Christmas wishes

In no particular order, here are some of my Christmas wishes:

1. "The Edge 2": Saddam, covered in hot deer blood, running naked and screaming through bear country in the summertime.

2. A two-headed presidential candidate. S/he would, at the very least, appear more honest: contradictory opinions would simply be attributed to the presence of two heads.

3. Bigger balls for South Korea.

4. Smaller balls for North Korea.

5. Smaller hair for both Kim Jong Il and Noh Mu Hyon.

6. A sudden spike in book orders through Only the Chewiest Tumors.

7. A UN with no China, North Korea, France, etc., etc. In short: a UN without members whose leaders run their own countries in ways counter to the UN's democratic principles.

8. A rediscovery of Republican fiscal conservatism.

9. A rediscovery of Democratic intolerance of cultural values that undermine those the Dems traditionally upheld.

10. A news flash stating that every jihadi on the planet has spontaneously exploded.

11. Catnip for the family cat.

12. A cure for obsessive tongue-flicking.

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