Here's how we do it at Rancho Hominid:
Ritz (or similar) crackers
2 pineapple slices
1 can tuna and mayonnaise (no other seasonings)
1 equally large glop of Kevin-style salad (see below)
1 Korean cucumber
1 large, fat Korean carrot
1 large clump of alfalfa and other sprouts
fresh ground garlic
Ohhh, how tempted I was to buy and add some cheese.
Grate the cucumber and carrot. Add the sprouts. You now have enough for two decent-sized servings of salad.
I can't give you exact proportions for my salad dressing, but it's hard to go wrong if you start with massive amounts of olive oil, followed by enough vinegar to achieve slightly more than the desired tartness. Follow this up with sugar-- again, to taste. Don't expect all the ingredients to mix happily: like Italians themselves, these ingredients tend to be a bit rowdy with each other. Add other seasonings and spices to taste. Start conservatively; add more as needed. Garlic is, of course, essential.
The salad dressing, because it doesn't mix well in the bowl, will fail to make sense until you mix it in with the vegetables. Then, quite suddenly, every piece of the puzzle will magically fit. Because you will have unloaded a mess of black pepper into your mix, there's no need to add pepper to the tuna mixture.
To eat the above salad, use your common sense:
Bottom layer = cracker
Next layer up = tuna mixture
Next layer up = salad
Next layer up = pineapple
Everything should fit precariously on your cracker. Eat in one gulp. Don't be dainty about it. It's the struggling human; you're the tyrannosaur. No mercy.