Korean 3XL is not 3XL

I ordered a new windbreaker/raincoat from Coupang (first mistake: in Korea, I qualify as "big & tall," and an American expat can't expect "normal" American sizes from a Korean purveyor) to replace the Uniqlo windbreaker/raincoat—a hand-me-down gift from my boss—that got ruined over time thanks to its cheap-ass interior lining. The jacket arrived today, looking suspiciously tiny in its plastic packaging. I pulled the jacket out and liked the feel of the material, but when I unfolded the jacket to appraise it in all of its fullness, my heart sank: I could already see how narrow the shoulders were. Stupidly determined, I nevertheless tried the jacket on, but as I suspected, my arms could barely fit through the sleeves, and the jacket, despite supposedly being 3XL, couldn't even close around my torso.

Because I'm lazy about onerous return policies, and because I don't want to waste the jacket, I'm going to stick it in the clothing hamper downstairs—the one for the poor and homeless. I hope someone will eventually find a use for the jacket. Someone the right size. And when that person finds that jacket, a magical voice will boom from out of nowhere: Well done! And now, O mortal, ask of me your wishes three or face the ass-piglets of the thirty-third hell!