the Osaka files

Justin has a much better post about my time in Osaka (about noon to 5PM), so I won't bother with a detailed retelling. We'll let the Japanese version of history stand, and I'll simply provide snide and/or clueless captions for the following pics.


Here, we see my two enemies for life, Nam and her boyfriend Justin, who runs Cosmic Buddha.


This picture is important because it shows the immediate and instinctive hatred between all Japanese and Korean people.


I think this store's name should be my motto.


Justin and his girlfriend were frightened by a moving set of lumps in my pants. I told them, "I've got crabs. Here-- look." I wrenched one of the larger specimens out of my pubes and threw it onto a nearby wall, where it stuck.


I think this is the world's largest penis-stretcher, still under construction.


This is a monk who doesn't realize I've just stolen his soul by taking his picture. Oh, wait-- he doesn't believe he has a soul. At a guess, the guitar player in the background has no soul.


This is the Glico Man, a fixture in this part of Osaka, according to Nam. I took the picture and began to wonder why the Glico Man is so happy. At a guess, it's because he doesn't suffer the tyranny of armpit hair. His joy is short-lived, however: as you see, he's about to be eaten by a huge red sphere that's almost upon him. At least he'll die happy.


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