epilogue: many thanks

Many thanks to the folks who wrote in yesterday with birthday wishes, and to Mike and Julie and Charlie for blogging mighty tributes.

Today, we step through the cosmic membrane and into the 37th year of existence. But first, a quick life-assessment. 36 things to be thankful for:

1. I haven't shown up to class with my zipper down yet.
2. I'm fat, but things could be a lot more worser.
3. Despite the sinister quirks with overtime pay, I teach at a decent school and have generally good co-workers and students.
4. My dorm room is quiet... and is separated from the other dorm rooms on my floor by the stairwell.
5. I'm south of the DMZ.
6. My double cultural heritage is awesome: 5000 years of history wedded to a persecution complex, and 200-some years of history wedded to a messianic complex. That, friends, kicks ass.
7. Not a single roach or centipede have I encountered in my room. Yet.
8. I live in a country that makes good food (see #5 above).
9. My job keeps me busy and occasionally stresses me out, but it ain't nothing compared to the chin-high bullshit of hagwon work.
10. Neither of my arms has dropped off.
11. Same goes for dingle.
12. Same for legs. Toes. Nipples. Hamster grafted to ribcage.
13. Weather's getting better, though it's hot today.
14. Mental faculties are still in the green-- not approaching meltdown quite yet.
15. My hair continues to gray but remains largely where it is.
16. The same goes for one hair in my right eyebrow that likes growing very, very long. I pluck that hair periodically, but it keeps coming back. Harbinger of my future. It reminds me of those Chinese dudes with huge moles on their faces and that one long, ugly hair growing out of it. They think such hairs are auspicious. My eyebrow hair is just... like... that.
17. Buying Western food at great expense is better than not being able to buy any Western food at all.
18. Even though they have no force at that height, my lame taekwondo kicks can reach your forehead if you're as tall as I am.
19. I can look forward to a visit from my parents in October.
20. I have only one tongue.
21. I'm a native speaker of the current lingua franca. Nothing says anglophone privilege quite like a well-placed "Eh wot?"
22. I'm a pluralist, which makes me right and everyone else wrong.
23. My razor-sharp wit hasn't actually slashed anyone open.
24. I'm not a theist, but God is on my side.
25. I have a cool pocketknife.
26. This video (all praise to Glenn) has changed my life.
27. My side of Smoo campus is much nicer than the other side.
28. My day consists of class after class of cuties. Look but don't touch, yes, but lookin' is often enough.
29. Shit flows out of my ass and never gets anywhere near my mouth. Unless I'm really hungry that day.
30. At 36, I can be said to have gained a small measure of perspective. For example, I now know that you don't put your hands behind your back, lick the food off your plate, and wipe your mouth all over your girlfriend's dress when eating at a fancy restaurant. And farting in such a place, albeit amusing, is just rude.
31. If life begins at 40, then I'm an enormous fucking fetus.
32. Opportunity still lies before me, like a drunken slut sprawled on the asphalt.
33. I never have, and likely never will, know the pain of giving birth. Ha ha ha ha!
34. I know the secret of eternal happiness, and it is spelled H-A-L-O.
35. The bouquet I received a few days back is still blooming. And it smells good.
36. Family and friends, baby. Family and friends. What more does a man need?


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