Kevin pulls a Shatner

According to Star Trek legend, you can tell what time of year it was when a given episode of the 1960s-era "Star Trek" TV series was filmed. How? The key is to watch William Shatner's gut. There were times when the captain of the Enterprise wore a girdle to keep himself from spilling out all over Sulu and Chekov. A slim Shatner meant warm weather. A puffier Shatner meant colder weather. Thin... puffed. Thin... puffed. Thin... puffed. And so it went, right up to the 1970s. A more reliable harbinger of seasonal change, there never has been.

Until now.

Behold:


What you see above is Kevin in April 2005 versus April 2006. I'm doing my patented double-chin-hiding technique in the first picture (and failing), but it's still obvious that my face was substantially thinner last year. Plus: I had a neck. Or at least a neck-like connection between my torso and my head.

A neckoid.

Over the course of time, as our satellite photo reveals, the neckoid has been absorbed in a facial tectonic shift as my double chin makes its move in the battle to dominate my face. And it appears to be succeeding. Note, too, that I've sprouted a dog in the interim. Doctors have informed me that dogs are a normal side effect of weight gain, and they go away once you start dieting and exercising.

In April 2007, we can expect a total takeover-- a face showing nothing but chin. Here, for your edification, is an artist's rendition of what that takeover will look like:



When that day comes... bolt on your titanium jock straps.


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