Korea topicality haiku

On Hines Ward:

(what the hell is he?
is he brown... or one of us?
fuck it--) WELCOME, HINES!

Regarding Dokdo:

hemorrhoids are mine!
no one else may touch or sniff!
stay out of my pants!

[NB: It may not be obvious from the above haiku, whose only purpose is to make light of a ridiculous situation, but my sympathies actually lie with the Koreans. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Wooj did a post that extensively covered the historical argument in favor of the Korean claim. I found it convincing, and am heartened that most Japanese folks these days don't even really care.]

Regarding "chopsticks technique":

clitoral massage
done far more precisely now
thank you, Hwang Woo Seok!

Regarding the upcoming elections:

Law of Septic Tank
"Biggest pieces float to top"
that's just how it is

Regarding male plastic surgery:

We are one people!
Proudly of one mind and heart!
Soon to be one SEX!

(I sense a certain Y-chromosome deficiency...)

Regarding Girl Monday and Wednesday:

booty? cleavage? WHERE??
female flatlands bring me down
ass crack tumbleweeds

Regarding Rory:

fucking Aussie drunk
just because he rapes dingoes
thinks he is da shit

Regarding Korea and Star Trek:

Spock hairdos abound
in the Land of Morning Calm
home to Borg Klingons

Regarding Korean addiction to Korean food:

where is my kimchi!?
how can you eat apple pie
without ggak-du-gi?

Regarding the Korean mania for forcing kids to learn Englishie:

hedge clippers? Mommy?
'cause you want to trim my tongue?
but I don't-- Aaaaaaagggghh!! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHH!!

_