why I gnaw myself in remorse

The Nomad alerts us to a new Koreablog titled The Yangpa. For those who don't know, yang-p'a is Korean for "onion." The blog is written in the satirical spirit of The Onion... and I'm left kicking myself, because dammit, I'm sure no one remembers that I blogged about this very idea in early 2004.

I wrote:

...here's my idea, which I'm sure will be rejected, but which I nevertheless present for your consideration: not simply a communal Koreablog, but one done in the style of The Onion. And let's call it The Yang-P'a. Or maybe as an in-joke, The Flying Yang-P'a. Satirical, fictional articles only-- stuff that's from the double source of your own creativity/wit, and the endless tragicomic material our nonfictional host country provides. Consider it, like The Onion, more of a loving tribute than a kick in the ass.

Hell, I can already imagine some headlines begging for articles:

White Man Surreptitiously Stared at On Subway
Dog Named "Anju" Narrowly Avoids Capture
Missing NK Baby Feared Eaten
Soap Actress Demands Reunification
Shouting Match Fails to Lead to Actual Fight
Chongno Bar District Vomit Splatters "Problem," Official Admits
Koreans Gossip About Foreigner in Foreigner's Presence
Life as LA Taxi Driver "Not What I Expected," Says PhD-holder
Spittle-free Sidewalk Discovered Downtown
Bush Branded Primate
Rest of World Once Again Ignored
Foreigner Proves Unable to Haggle in Namdaemun
Ass Size Linked to Burgeoning PC-bahng Culture
American Role Denigrated
Women Control Finances, Study Shows
Middle Finger Deployed, "P'ak Gyu!" Shouted
Foreign Style Copied
Foreign Influence "Dangerous," Millions Contend
Left-handed Woman Surprises Fellow Diners with Chopstick Ability
Demonstration Indicates Sheeplike Thinking
Overemotionalism Blamed in Suicide
Guilty Boss Weeps, Begs Forgiveness
Woman's Hair Dyed Strange Shade of Reddish Brown
Black Man Sighted With Korean Date
Politician Bribed
Christian Disses Buddhist
Foreigner Attempts to Haggle at Department Store
Squid Eaten Without Hesitation
Noh Finally Pulls Head Out of Ass
Lemon Soju Declared National Treasure #39886
Taekwondo Largely Irrelevant
America Blamed
Latest Culinary Trend is Shi-heom Ji-ok Gaegogi-- Dog Thrown from 15th Floor Balcony
White Man With Large Nose Causes Stir With Fluent Korean


Ahhhh, just think: bogus articles, faux editorials, spoofs of the ultranationalistic tone... all in the "funny because it's true" spirit.

Piss, fuck, diddle.

I must now wallow in bitterness as the idea takes flight in Hominid-free cyberspace. I have only myself to blame, and that is why you find me here-- in a dark alley, reeking of gin, growling incoherently, shitting my pants and masturbating spitefully.

Best wishes (grrrrrrrrr) to The Yangpa, which already has a good bit of hilarious material up.


UNRELATED ASIDE: Justin, who has taken to vlogging far more than most of the other bloggers on my blogroll, offers us "Jedi Breakfast." Go watch.


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