and just how fine is Ralph?

This article bears repeating in its entirety because it's just too damn funny:

A flight attendant accused of having sex in an aircraft toilet with actor Ralph Fiennes was in hiding last night after being grounded without pay.

Other crew members claimed Lisa Robertson had a seven-mile-high fling in business class with The English Patient star.

But she insists he followed her into the small cubicle where, with the door locked, she repelled his advances.

Qantas has taken suggestions of a liaison seriously and has stood her down while it investigates.

She will be sacked if it finds sex did take place.

Miss Robertson, 38, admits chatting to 44-year-old Mr Fiennes on a flight from Darwin, Australia, to Mumbai on January 24 but says that when she told him she needed to go to the toilet he followed her in and became "amorous".

Two crew members who saw her talking to Mr Fiennes waited outside and caught the pair leaving. They reported the incident to a senior crew member.

Miss Robertson was forced to explain two breaches of corporate and cabincrew policies - letting Mr Fiennes sit in a crew seat as they chatted in her rest break and being in the toilet with him.

In her statement to bosses, which was leaked to a Sydney newspaper, she said: "While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet. I entered it, he followed me and entered the same toilet.

"I explained to him that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave.

"Mr Fiennes became amorous towards me and, after a short period of time, I convinced him to leave the toilet. I left a short time later. At no time did any crew member come to my assistance.

"At no time were any other customers aware of this incident. At no time did I put the Qantas name or reputation in jeopardy."

Miss Robertson, from Sydney, admitted that the actor had visited her in the crew rest area during her break to chat.

But she said she was simply doing her job, adding: "This is common practice on long flights to build a rapport with passengers."

Miss Robertson, who was a police officer for 14 years, claims she has been commended several times for her services as a flight attendant.

Qantas said: "A flight attendant has been stood down as a result of an incident on a flight."

Mr Fiennes, who is dating Belfast-born interior designer Sirin Lewenden, was flying to India as a Unicef ambassador to promote awareness of HIV and safe sex at the time.

The star of Schindler’s List had been in Sydney to perform in a one-man show.

He will appear in the summer as evil wizard Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix.

Mr Fiennes gained a reputation as a womaniser after leaving his wife Alex Kingston for Francesca Annis, who is 18 years his senior. He has also been linked to actresses Gina Gershon, Jennifer Lopez and Ellen Barkin.

His agent could not be contacted for comment last night.

One link associated with the article says, "Stewardess faces sack."

Just how many women have faced Lord Voldemort's sack while miles in the air? Who can experience the Odor of the Penis and remain unchanged?


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