protuberant Valentine's Day greetings, ladies!

Ladies! Lovely, voluptuous, curvaceous ladies! Happy Valentine's Day! And now that I've gotten you in a sufficiently romantic mood, I show you this:


Good God, you've got filthy minds! Personally, I thought it looked like an elephant's trunk!

And speaking of elephant's trunks, I've got a dirty joke for you:

A man decides to have elective surgery to enhance his penis size. He goes to the doctor, who shows him a list of options from modest enlargements to cannon-sized members. "That one!" the man cries.

"What, the elephant's trunk?" the doctor asks.

"Yes! Yes!" says the man with absolute conviction. "That's what I want for a cock!"

The doc shrugs. The surgery is performed. The man walks out of the hospital with an elephant-sized bulge straining against his pants.

The man goes to a posh dinner party. The chatting guests pass around a large bowl of baked potatoes. When the bowl reaches the man, his elephant's trunk reaches up from under the table, plucks a potato from the bowl, and ducks out of sight.

"Good God!" cries a female dinner companion. "Do that again!" The man obliges: the trunk appears, plucks a potato, and ducks out of sight.

"You've got an amazing cock!" the woman coos. She leans over and whispers, "Could you do that one more time? For me?"

The man grins sheepishly. "I wish I could," he says, "but I don't think I can stuff another potato up my ass."

By the way, the phallic piece of vegetation you see above is the result of pushing a butternut squash through my new spiral slicer. Just FYI.


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