when December comes

My buddy Tom sent me the following poster for the event to surpass all events in sheer, unbridled testicularity:


That's right, young virgins: Tenacious D is coming to Seoul (or is it coming on Seoul?) this coming December. See? Everything and everyone is coming.

I joked to Tom that he and I would be the only ones at the concert, but that this might be a fine opportunity for a photo op with Jack and Rage.*


Jack Black has humorously called his two-man comic-rock act "a Smothers Brothers for the Dungeons and Dragons misfits set." That sounds about right. And there's a slim chance that I might be in attendance, despite my normal avoidance of all things concert-like (the last concert I went to was Clapton in the 1980s... I came out of that experience very deaf and a little high). If I go, I'm definitely going to see if I can corner Jack and Kyle and get them either to sign something or to pose for a shot (preferably a shot of them signing something). I might actually give my autograph to them, come to think of it. Or we could trade autographs, and get that moment on camera.

The possibilities are as endless and mysterious as my scrote-wrinkles. J and K are two of my favorite celebrities; at the very least, it'd be nice to watch them perform. And if Tom deigns to accompany me to this pagan festival, well—the more, the merrier.

So, yeah: a definite maybe for this concert. And now, some of my favorite D lyrics:

FUCK HER GENTLY

This is a song for the ladies
But, fellas: listen closely

You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact, sometimes that's not right to do:
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin' give her some smooches, too

Sometimes ya' got to squeeze
Sometimes ya' got to say please
Sometime ya' got to say hey
I'm gonna fuck you—softly
I'monna screw you gently
I'monna hump you sweetly
I'monna ball you discreetly

And then you say, "Hey I bought you flowers."
And then you say, "Wait a minute, Sally—
"I think I got somethin' in my teeth
"Could you get it out for me?"
That's fuckin' teamwork!

What's your fav'rite posish?
That's cool with me
It's not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
What's your favorite dish?
I'm not gonna cook it
But I'll order it from Zanzibar

And then I'monna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin' fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fuckin' bone you completely
But then... I'monna fuuuuuuck yooooooouuuuu haaaaaaaaaaaard
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaard

---

*Jack Black's partner in crime, the talented Kyle Gass, goes by many nicknames: "K.G." is one, and because of how "K.G." sounds when said out loud, "Cage" is another. "Cage" then leads to "Rage." So call him Kyle, K.G., Cage, or Rage, and summon him out of his demon-hole.


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