not bad, Dave

Dave Barry, who's getting on in years, is only occasionally funny these days. I was just reading through his "Year in Review" for 2014, which is filled with the sort of groaners that old men tend to let slip like random flatulence, when I happened upon a pretty good passage:

In Washington scandal news, the Internal Revenue Service, responding to a subpoena, tells congressional investigators that it cannot produce 28 months of Lois Lerner’s e-mails because the hard drive they were stored on failed, and the hard drive was thrown away, and the backup tapes were erased, and no printed copies were saved — contrary to the IRS’s own record-keeping policy, which was eaten by the IRS’s dog. “It was just one crazy thing after another,” states the IRS, “and it got us to thinking: All these years we’ve been subjecting taxpayers to everything short of rectal probes if they can’t produce EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT WE WANT, and here we lose YEARS’ worth of official records! So from now on, if taxpayers tell us they lost something, or just plain forgot to make a tax payment, we’ll be like, ‘Hey, whatever! Stuff happens!’ Because who are we to judge?”

Ay-fucking-men to that. The old man is capable of wit. I'm also beginning to think that nuking the IRS wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.


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