dat ass

One photo that I really wanted to take, yesterday, but didn't, was of a girl's ass. I had the opportunity; she was wearing headphones and wouldn't have heard my phone's click,* but I didn't do it because I thought to myself that I'm 53 fucking years old, and I really ought to conduct myself better. "But," I hear you counter, "you took that photo of that one chick's flat ass!" Yes. Yes, I did. Guilty as charged. However, in my defense, I was making an anatomical point, not leering lustfully. Had I taken that photo yesterday, well, that would have been for baser reasons. And no, it's not the same as slapping up a naughty picture that's part of a meme: the meme existed before I found it. 

All the same, I feel the urge to describe the ass I didn't photograph. It was... how shall I put this... an American ass. The woman was Korean, but she was dressed in tight, body-hugging athletic pants that left nothing to the imagination. Being a man, I turned my Male Gaze^TM toward her and drank the sight in as I passed her by. She was standing at the curb, facing the street, staring into a phone (as we all do these days), leaving her ass front and center for me. And what a lovely ass it was: large, curvaceous, and firm. I wouldn't have minded massaging that ass, but that's the difference between a gentleman and an animal: both types of men think the same thoughts, but the animal tries to act on them. Inhibitions firmly in place, I simply passed by silently, trying not to stare too obviously.

And that, Dear Reader, was my encounter with a rarity here in Korea: an actual, three-dimensional ass. It will live on, now, only in legend.

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*In Korea, cell phones all make a simulated clicking noise, like that made by old cameras, as a way to deter people from doing perverse things like take upskirt photos. I understand that there are ways to suppress the click, but I'm not inclined to take upskirt photos, anyway, so it doesn't matter to me.