your dose of Konglish for the day

A common expat lament is that Koreans try to think up English-y names and brands and slogans on their own, and their ideas just come out looking and sounding like Konglish garbage. There's potential for big business if you're an editor or proofreader: there's just so much broken English out there. The problem, though, is that Koreans don't give a shit. 

And that's part of the weird paradox of living in Korea: as a foreigner, you learn pretty quickly that Koreans both care and don't care about what foreigners think of Korea. On the one hand, they're rapt whenever a foreigner appears on Korean TV and offers his or her insights about Korea. Add points if the foreigner says only good things. Add more points if the foreigner speaks Korean in the interview. And add even more points if the foreigner is self-aware enough to engage in all that vomitous aegyo (saccharine cutesy behavior), mugging for the camera in exaggerated Korean style. At the same time, Koreans really don't give a shit what anyone thinks, which is how you end up with blackface-comedy scandals (here's one of several, and here's an article about the overall problem)... and it's how you end up with all the mutated English that pollutes my senses.

I'm not really counting the horrible Konglish I see when I have to proofread, say, a Korean prof's research paper (full disclosure: the last such paper I proofed was years ago); the prof is conscientious enough to know his English sucks, and that he needs help. People like that might be burdensome in terms of the linguistic wreckage they're asking me to rehabilitate, but they're aware of where they stand. The people who gleefully fill ads and posters, etc., with mangled Konglish, though, are all suffering from Dunning-Kruger to some extent. And those people all get my unmitigated scorn.

With the above in mind, behold:

Some idiot thought this would be clever.

The dish doesn't even look that appetizing.

Dafuq does this even mean?

I was just walking around randomly in the B1 level of my building when I stumbled upon this eatery in one of B1's dark corners. I don't believe I'll be back for a visit, thanks for asking. Let someone else enjoy a brightness moment.

Living anywhere in East Asia means contending with Engrish. To be fair, Westerners have been screwing Asian shit up just as badly for years. Just watch how Asians and Asian culture have been depicted on TV and in the movies over the decades. Even now, Hollywood—which is racist to its self-righteous core—often gets it wrong. And this is such an easy problem to fix. Ever heard of consultants? Same goes for all the people coming up with Konglish ideas like "Greenffle" and "brightness moment." Hire a fuckin' proofreader, or at least someone who can tell you whether your ideas sound natural. Koreans don't care, though; their target audience is just as Korean as they are, and as long as the target audience isn't complaining, why improve the Konglish, right? The whole thing is a fucking joke.