Friday, March 31, 2023

spot the error!

As the sun rose the following morning, Reece’s finger continued to stroke the trigger guard, his only companions the memories of the dead.

The above is from the novel Savage Son, which I'm currently reading. The error in the above sentence might be a little harder to catch than usual. Look at the word his. Grammatically, his is functioning as an adjective modifying companions. But his also has a pronominal flavor: like a pronoun, it replaces and refers to an antecedent. That antecedent should be Reece, the novel's protag, but the subject of the sentence is Reece’s finger. Starting to see the problem?

With apologies to author Jack Carr, maybe we can rewrite the sentence to make it better. 

As the sun rose the following morning, Reece continued to stroke the trigger guard with his finger, his only companions the memories of the dead.

Can you think of a better rewrite? I think with his finger still sounds a bit icky, so how about we take the phrase out entirely and leave the finger implied?

As the sun rose the following morning, Reece continued to stroke the trigger guard, his only companions the memories of the dead.

I think that's a lot more streamlined.



2 comments:

  1. Unless trigger guard is slang for penis, and Reece is a necrophiliac...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your nose polyps are leading you into dark places, my friend.

    ReplyDelete

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