things I'm waiting for

1. I want a screen saver that's essentially a real-time, hi-res simulation of a low-altitude flight over every inch of the surface of Mars-- flight among the mountains and inside the canyons, Podracing-style! With real-time weather conditions. When I say "real-time," I don't mean that the sim has to show Mars as it is right this second; I simply mean that, if our imaginary craft is flying over the Martian surface at 3000 miles per hour, it should take an hour to cover a straight 3000-mile stretch. The craft will essentially be flying a search pattern that will eventually cover the entire planet, which might take a while, ensuring no repetition for a long, long time. I could stare at that for hours.

While we're at it, I want the same screen saver for Mercury and Venus, too. The gas giants might also be nice, but I'll settle for high-altitude flights for them. And Jupiter's and Saturn's moons, too, come to think of it.

2. I want a kitchen appliance that, when you insert it, vibrates off an orange's skin in the space of three seconds. You hear a buzz; the skin becomes visibly looser; you peel upward and outward just a little ways from the device's insertion point, and voilà-- the whole skin comes off. What are the culinary possibilities of nearly-whole orange skin? What could you infuse the interior with to make it tasty? Or could you somehow carve out all the white and make a tiny Jack-o-lantern?

3. I want a parrot that can sing the entire "America! Fuck, yeah!" song, and that knows not to sing it unless commanded to do so.

4. I want a DVD of the Purple and Brown animated series. I looked for such a DVD on Amazon.com recently, and failed to find it. (If you've never seen the claymation monsters Purple and Brown, type "purple and brown" into the search window on YouTube. How can you not love them?)

5. What else do I want right now...?


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