Twitter poetry

Trap me in a tiny box, and I go nuts looking for creative ways to make life interesting. Twitter, which is all about microblogging, confines you to writing posts of no more than 140 characters in length (and yes: a space is a character). Every time I visit Twitter, every time I tweet, it's like being trapped in a tiny box. That drives me nuts, and me nuts like stupid poetry, so that's one of the ways I pass the time on Twitter. For those who've missed my poems, here's what I've written so far (reformatted for the blog):


1.

I wanna ship that's four miles long,
four miles long,
four miles long...
I wanna ship that's four miles long--
rowed by angry slave girls.

2.

I knew a legless ostrich once
that lived a cocaine high
it porn-surfed on my Macintosh
and pecked at women's thighs

3.

when the eagle farts
make sure you're not under it
sometimes it's a shart

4.

I feed my cat nickels
he don't seem to mind
but when he shits pennies
I think he's unkind

5.

On Halloween I lick your brain
because your brain
don't feel no pain
and 'cause it looks just like chow mein
I'm gonna slurp it
YEAH

6.

our cat died years ago, and yet
I find it's still my favorite pet
I dig it up each night and say
"O, undead kittie! Time to play!"

7.

dudi B wut I du--
dudimi dudi U--
dudi in dudi out--
dudi shaykit N shout--
dudidudi in bed--
dudi til UR ded--
dudi green dudi blu--
dudimi dudi U

8.

life is tough in Anusville
the crater town between two hills
for every time the Worm appears
the townies quake and scream in fear



I've also been attempting to write super-short stories that evoke, even if they can't flesh out, things like plot, character, and theme. A few of those:



1.

Garrison Keillor, smashed on rotgut from some Central American hamlet, deep in the jungle with an M-60, hunting Predators and velociraptors.

2.

Darling Lydia, let not yon dwarf smell thy panties and regain his honor thereby, for he is a most execrable dwarf.

3.

"I ask for fal-tor-pan." "You mean the re-fusion of Spock's body and katra?" "No, I mean a Chinese hooker. OF COURSE I mean re-fusion!"

4.

I dream that I am Saruman, chasing Princess Leia through the stairwells of Isengard while she shrieks, delighted, that I am her nerfherder.

5.

Explosions. Kermit the Frog, bleeding, on his knees, arms upraised and face toward the sky à la Willem Dafoe's death scene in "Platoon."

6.

"Faster!!" screamed the hen, urging her elephant on. The terrified fox zigzagged crazily. Behind him the bird cackled, drunk with vengeance.

7.

Her nightgown whispered to the floor, revealing her alluring topography. Spock quirked an eyebrow: the human adventure was just beginning.



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