no man wants this headline at his death

Billionaire diamond trader, 65, dies during penis-enlargement surgery at private Paris clinic

A billionaire diamond trader has died after 'suffering a heart attack' during a penis enlargement operation in Paris.

Ehud Arye Laniado, 65, was at an unidentified private clinic on the Avenue des Champs-Elysees in the French capital on Saturday when complications during surgery proved fatal.

The experienced diamond expert's heart attack happened when a substance was injected into his penis, Belgian media reported.

In John Irving's dysfunctional-family novel The Hotel New Hampshire, one character dies in bed of a heart attack while masturbating with a porn mag—an awful, ignoble way to go. Let's put that on my list of Ways I Don't Want To Be Caught Dead, which would also include—along with Uncle Ehud's demise—not being found draped over a sheep, not being found slumped over my desk with a dildo-emporium website prominently displayed on my monitor, and not being found sitting on the toilet while wearing a crotchless tutu.