Thursday, June 02, 2022

Johnny Depp crushes Amber Heard in court

With all the actual crises going on all over the world, I thought it'd be nice to focus on the most unserious news of the day: Johnny Depp's defamation suit against Amber Heard has resulted in a massive victory for Depp, who is being awarded $15 million by the jury that heard the case. In the end, I don't think this is a particularly deep or meaningful victory: Heard has suffered a blow to her reputation by being shown to be a liar, a narcissist, and quite likely a psychopath, but Hollywood traffics in such people, so she won't be out of work for long. Besides, Americans love a comeback, so this trial marks the beginning of that phase for Heard. She will, meantime, insist that this whole thing was a travesty of justice, that she really had been assaulted by Depp, and that she deserves a better outcome. Depp, for his part, will likely start getting film roles again, given that this suit resulted in his vindication. Most men never recover from such public accusations, but Depp might be among the first. So at least there's that. Amber Heard will have to live with the annoyance of being called "Amber Turd" for the rest of her life (it came out that Hurd had deliberately defecated in the bed she'd shared with Depp during their brief and troubled marriage), but that's a small price to pay: her future coworkers will never say the label to her face, and her online haters can be safely ignored.

Heard, meanwhile, apparently won a small victory of her own: a $2 million judgment against one of Depp's lawyers who may have overstepped his bounds in implying that Heard had "dressed up" a crime scene to make it appear worse. I didn't realize several cases were all being tried at once in this manner, but as you'll see in the video's below, there were several simultaneous crosscurrents. And now, sit back and be entertained by a smattering of reactions to Depp's overall victory:



I'm not a fan of either of these people. What sort of sick, untrusting couple records long snatches of themselves yelling at each other? I also suspect that Amber Heard's accusations about Johnny's liberal drug use have at least a little ring of truth about them: drug use is rampant among the Hollywood elite, after all, so it wouldn't be surprising to find out Depp had been (and probably still is) a user. This trial has been a circus, and while part of me is satisfied to see Heard get socked with a $15 million judgment, (1) I doubt she's going to pay it out in a timely manner, (2) Heard really ought to have gone to jail for the massive amounts of perjury she committed on the stand, and (3) as I said above, she'll suffer a bit, but as the public forgets this incident, her career will recover just fine. I suspect Heard already has $15 million lying around somewhere. Depp, meanwhile, once rhetorically asked, after Trump's election, when an actor last assassinated a president (Lincoln reference), so any conservative watching this trial and sympathizing with Depp really ought to rethink his stance. If there's any lesson to be learned here, it's that Depp and Heard should never have gotten married. 

Will people in Hollywood ever want to work with Heard again? In the above Megyn Kelly video, Kelly claims that Heard is now "unemployable," but if she is, that condition is only temporary. Amber Turd will rise again.

UPDATE: as predicted.

UPDATE 2: Styx comments.



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