firsts

I saw my first truly huge Korean woman today while pimping my wares in Insa-dong. She was enormous, this woman. Lumbering. Pachydermatous. I'd seen huge Korean men before-- far larger even than I am in girth, height, or both-- but never a woman who looked more than the usual subcompact to midsize (compared to Western women, I mean). This beauty easily crossed the threshold from Toyota Minivan to Ford Expedition, and it didn't help that the ladies she was walking with were standard-size Hyundai Excels. I admit it: I stared at her the same way Koreans stare at me. It took a few minutes for her ass to leave my peripheral vision, but the gluteal image was seared into my retinas.

What exists in reality is greater than what exists in the understanding.
-St. Anselm, probably referring to this woman's ass, which he'd've preferred to be only imaginary

Existence is not a predicate.
-Kantian reply blowing Anselm out of the water, but remember that Kant never left Koenigsburg his whole life because he feared to encounter that same ass

There but for the grace of God go I.
-a grateful Kevin, pondering his own impressive ass after the passing of Huge Female

My other first (is it proper to speak of a "second first"?) was that, not five minutes ago, I was splatted by my very first email snowball-- in French. Merci, Dominique.

What the email says:

~Vous venez d'être atteint par une boule de neige e-mail !~

C'est le début de ...
La bataille de boule de neige 2003 - 2004!!

Une seule règle ....
Vous ne pouvez pas attaquer quelqu'un qui vous a déjà touché !

Maintenant ...

allez-y et touché autant de personnes que vous pouvez ,
avant qu'ils ne le fassent!
Je vous ai eu en premier ! Vous ne pouvez donc plus m'avoir !

You might not know French, but you doubtless guessed the meaning. Translation:

You've just been hit by an email snowball!

It's the start of...
the snowball fight of 2003-2004!

Just one rule...
You can't hit someone who's already hit you!

Now...
Go hit as many people as you can
before they get you!
I got you first! You can't hit me back!

So now you know: e-insipidity is alive in more than just anglophone cyberspace. Doux Jésus...

Did you catch the grammatical error in the French version? It's what in linguistics would be called an error of "performance," not of "competence." Hint: look for phonetic spelling.
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