I AM SAURON: THE POEM

All people who fear me
know not to come near--
I'll chop off your dingle
and feed it to deer!

My pants, oh, they're bulging
I'm pitching a tent
the hormones are raging:
have you fucked an Ent?

I'm mean and I'm nasty
I'm dark and I'm cruel
I'm Sauron the badass
so BOW TO ME, fool!

It's Orc groins for breakfast
and elf ass for lunch
then Warg dicks for dinner--
all tied in a bunch!

The oliphaunts cower
I give them a grin
then slip on a condom
of fiiiiine hobbit skin.

I vomit out darkness
and urinate bile--
I mete out destruction
and shit death in piles

The world is my oyster
it's my bearded clam
it's all mine to conquer
for SAURON I AM!

In honor of Peter Jackson and his team, who've garnered 11 (count 'em) Oscar nominations.

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