a new gorge, George!

We don't need a wall between the US and Mexico. I think we should build a gigantic canyon-- one that spans the entire US-Mexico border. Imagine the surprise on José's face when he finishes digging his border-crossing tunnel and finds himself suddenly plummeting into a 500-foot chasm with nothing but rocks and cacti and genetically engineered fang-snails at the bottom.

Then again, with all the dirt excavated from the canyon, perhaps we should build a wall. Or maybe not a wall-- it should be something more fun. How about a labyrinth? A labyrinth stocked with all our fiercest racists? Yes: racists that have been genetically fused with our killer fang-snails! Ever met a snail dat hates yo' off-white ass? Well, imagine millions of them charging at you.

A few miles back from the border, on the US side, we should also get some Hollywood geniuses to build enormous scenes of nuclear devastation: a Mexican's first view of the US should reveal vast, smoking craters, wrecked buildings, and rotting corpses-- a grim tableau of shattered lives and dashed hopes. The only sound our Mexican should hear is absolute silence, broken by the terrified scream of a lonely infant and the growl of a feral dog tugging tentatively at its limbs.

That, or we should invest in gateway teleportation technology: every Mexican who crosses an invisible line will suddenly find himself in Pyongyang, there to face Kim Jong Il, the most fearsome fang-snail of all.


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