Tuesday, July 28, 2020

here's one for the drunken bastards

The First Guy to Ever Get Drunk:


Pretty much every reason why I don't drink gets covered.

I used to have no sense of humor at all about drunkenness. Back when I was in high school, I was a self-righteous prude of the worst order, and while I never foisted my teetotaling attitude on others, I did get angry, every once in a while, when I saw someone I knew in a drunken state. Maybe it was a control thing.

There was one night when a group of us friends had gathered at a local McDonald's, and who should show up but a very drunk and bloodshot-looking Bill N—a friendly-enough football player who tolerated us nerds—who slurred that he had three fuckin' girls in his car (so, yes: drunk driving was on the menu), and he didn't know what to do with 'em. In anger and disgust, I stood up and moved to leave the restaurant. Bill blurrily called after me, "Wuh-where ya' goin'?" "Anywhere but here!" I grated, feeling as scandalized and haughty as Charles Heston's Moses after coming back down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments.

I look back on that night now with a smirk at my own foolishness. Drunkenness is by far not the worst sin, and it's certainly not worthy of righteous anger. If anything, it's worthy of humor, pity, and sympathy because it really is a control thing: people get drunk because they like losing control, but they also tend to lose awareness of the eroding dignity that accompanies such a loss of control. It's much healthier—for me, anyway—to have a laugh instead of blowing my top. Besides, as I've come to realize over the years, what's so virtuous about looking down on a drunkard when I myself labor under any number of my own compulsions? I have no room to talk, and I might as well laugh at myself while I'm at it.

But seriously, guys: this is what you look like:






4 comments:

Charles said...

Drunkenness is indeed not the worst sin... but it can and does lead to pretty bad sins, like drunk driving. We also unfortunately have a culture here that tends to give people a pass when they're drunk even if they do bad things, although i think that culture is changing now.

Kevin Kim said...

We can only hope.

John Mac said...

That was a funny video. I thought the traffic cone in the background the morning after was a nice touch.

I've got some experience when it comes to drinking (big surprise, right?). There are degrees of inebriation ranging from catching a buzz to being falling down drunk. I have a personal line I try to not cross and have enough experience to normally know when it is time to say when. I have occasional lapses of course, but usually only once or twice a year.

Even as a regular drinker though I honestly have no patience for drunk drunks (like the guy in the last video). In fact, whenever I've fantasized about running my own bar I recognize that my lack of tolerance for people who get wasted would not be good for business. Throwing out your best customers isn't exactly a recipe for success!

Kevin Kim said...

Just FYI, the guy in the last video is actor David Hasselhoff of "Knight Rider" fame. The video was taken by his daughter, who showed it to him when he was sober. It apparently scared him straight and made him turn his life around.