Thursday, April 24, 2025
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Re: fruitfulabundancehome: So you're never allowed to be human and have a bad day? You always have to be the perfect wife and mother? Tradwife spotted! (As if the profile name and pic weren't a dead giveaway already.)
ReplyDeleteI can't speak for the lady, but I assume she wasn't talking about women who are only occasionally moody, snappish, etc., but rather about selfish women who make their marriages only about themselves. And what counts as "occasional"? What counts as toxically frequent? I've never been married, so what do I know? Sure, we should give our partners the space to vent when they need to, and the space to show off their imperfections since none of us is perfect. But (and again, I don't know this from experience) marriage shouldn't be one constant, decades-long venting/selfishness event with the woman (or man) as a domineering, holy terror and the man (or woman) as the eternally tolerant doormat.
DeleteFrankly, when I first saw your comment, I thought you were replying to the meme showing the woman with a rifle and carrying a baby! Yeah, I wouldn't fuck with that wife.
We are in absolute agreement that "marriage shouldn't be one constant, decades-long venting/selfishness event." Any marriage that is can be safely labeled as a toxic relationship. But the way that the tradwife phrases her comment goes far beyond that, trying to make women feel bad for having feelings. Your husband didn't marry you to tiptoe around your mood swings? Maybe not, but what happened to "for better or for worse"? When you marry someone, you marry them for their best and their worst. Most people don't go into marriage thinking this way, which is why divorce rates are so high. But I think the answer is to be clear-eyed about the reality of long-term human relationships, not to project an idealism that essentially places all the responsibility for a happy home on the woman's shoulders. Notice how there is no mention at all of the husband's mood swings (we have 'em, you know it) or the children being absolute brats?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I should admit that I am kind of responding not just to this one comment, but to the tradwife movement as a whole, which I think can sometimes be toxic. Not that it always necessarily is, but I've seen some tradwife content that makes me shake my head. To be fair, though, I think the movement is in large part a pendulum-swing reaction against other social movements that paint women as useless if they want to stay home and raise children. I don't agree with that movement, either. But the tradwife movement goes too far in the other direction.
Well, I've read the Wikipedia writeup on the tradwife movement. Wikipedia has a leftist bias, but if what it says is basically true, the tradwife movement seems to idealize the "traditional" situation of the American 1950s. Yeah, I'd treat such a movement with circumspection.
DeleteBut the way that the tradwife phrases her comment goes far beyond that, trying to make women feel bad for having feelings.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's one way to interpret her remarks (I assume it's "her"). And for what it's worth, I don't see anything unreasonable about what you're saying. I haven't really looked into the whole tradwife movement, so maybe for that reason, I see the meme as merely sane advice—don't be a domineering bitch who rules the family with her moods—and it's advice that could be given to husbands of a certain stripe as well since, as you rightly say, husbands also have mood swings.
Is the tradwife movement basically a "stay home, stay pregnant, be angelically submissive" kind of thing? I guess I could look it up.