Friday, July 20, 2007

beast in the Smoo gym

Today, because I bagged on Sperwer, I dragged my carcass over to Smoo's gym, which is normally open at 7:30AM on weekdays. Or so I thought.

No dice today. Closed.

I then talked to the B1 concierge, who told me to try the gym again in a few minutes: the cleaning lady probably needed time to go through the gym and clean it. So I waited until 8:45.

Again, no dice.

So I waited in my office another thirty minutes and then went back. Hooray! The gym was open! Disgruntled by the delay, I Jabba-sloshed my way up to the girl at the counter, waved my eyestalks threateningly and asked, "Why weren't you open when I came by earlier this morning?"

"We have summer hours," she said meekly, pointing to the white board behind her. Sure enough: "Weekdays, starting at 9AM."

Gastropod rippling in agitation, I rumbled, "Why isn't this posted outside your door, where people can see it in the morning?"

The girl's eyes widened in mock sympathy and she shrugged.

"Is this information available online somewhere?" I demanded, lashing my tail for effect.

"No," she admitted meekly.

"Okay!" I declared, opening and closing several slimy air holes in my back to indicate the discussion was over. I wrapped a tentacle around the pen and signed in. With another tentacle, I slipped my Smoo ID card into the little wooden key slot and took the locker key out, then schlepped across the hall to the men's locker room. I shed my normal skin, put on my workout skin, and lumber-sloshed back across the hall to the gym.

I'm quite a sight when I'm on that elliptical trainer: an enormous, sweaty mass of flailing tentacles, writhing eyestalks, click-clacking fangs, and fetid ropes of tobacco-colored drool. It's hard to get my gastropod onto those pedals (two pedals, one gastropod-- you see the problem), but I usually manage. The girls in the gym just stare in horror as I huff and chug away, bellowing out-of-tune Mariah Carey songs.

Today was actually my first day back at the gym since my return from the States. I had hoped to hit the gym in the mornings on weekdays, but have instead been staying up late and focusing on Namsan hikes (damn this freaking humidity). Everything at the gym seems about the same.

Except the goddamn hours.


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