I just sent the following to my brother David in New Mexico:
__________
Dig,
You will be proud to know that I sat down for a shit tonight (Saturday night) and took over 20 minutes to push out a massive log (this happens when I fast after eating salads). As you know, logs for me are rare: It's mostly sludge and rabbit raisins. This massive turd has the consistency of tough clay, so yes, the toilet is now clogged. I went at it several times with my plunger—no dice. I got a long-handled, metal slotted spoon to try to chop the turd up (thrusting the thin handle part into the water since the spoon part won't fit into the toilet's pipe)... the turd is apparently jammed so deep into the pipe that chopping up the visible part has no effect. I poured the Korean equivalent of Drāno (called Trepeong, rhymes with "heh, dung") into the toilet bowl, and now... it's a waiting game. I forgot to take a photo of the log before I began plunging and chopping; the water is all brown and filled with floating scraps of toilet paper, so nothing is visible. Sad.
I'm sure this situation will clear up (ahem) eventually. But for now, I had to wipe my ass with several wet wipes, and I can only pray that I don't need to poop again for the next few hours. If I do, my apartment has public restrooms on several of the lower floors, including the lobby. This might be a nice time to have one of those toilet snakes.
__________
And that's my life in a nutshell. I'm finishing up my Substack content generation right now (it's been a slow Saturday), and I'll switch to other projects tomorrow. Meanwhile, a malignancy sits silently in my bathroom, quietly mocking me with its demonic presence.
STATUS UPDATE, midnight: I went over to the toilet a few minutes ago and saw that everything had drained without refilling—not the best of signs. The turd was no longer visible; scraps of toilet paper and a nasty, brown sheen lingered inside the toilet bowl. I flushed; the water rushed in, and the water level didn't descend. Dammit. The jam was still in place, just farther down the pipe. I went at the toilet with my plunger again. No success. I dumped another load of Korean Drāno into the bowl, and it's once again a waiting game.
I won't write another update until the toilet is clear.
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