pest control

Kingdom: review

front L to R: Bae Doona as Seo-bi, Ju Ji-hoon as Yi Chang, Ryu Seung-ryong as Cho Hak-ju

The 2019 Korean horror-drama series Kingdom straddles categories by combining the Korean historical-drama genre, called sageuk/사극 (at a guess from the final syllables of 역사/yeoksa/history and 연극/yeongeuk/theater), with the zombie-horror genre that has become an obsession in Korea with films like Train to Busan and youth-oriented series like All of Us Are Dead. 

Here's a bit of background on zombies—their history and popularization. The notion of a zombie comes primarily out of Haiti and can be thought of as a metaphor for slavery, i.e., a life that is basically a living death characterized by suffering, endless and useless toil, and radical unfreedom. The notion of masses of zombies was popularized by director George Romero and his ...Dead movies (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, etc.), which gave us the idea of zombies as a massive, shambling, inevitable horde that washes over the populace like a tidal wave. The source of "zombiism" has, depending on the story we're following, been linked to anything from a curse, to science gone wrong, to naturally occurring viruses and plagues. Later on in film history, thanks to landmark works like 28 Days Later, zombies evolved from "shamblers" to feral "runners," fleet and ferocious but still mindless in their driving hunger for living human flesh and brains. Part of the mythology is that, as with vampirism, a bite from a zombie is enough to turn a regular human into a zombie and this is, in fact, how zombies reproduce. This mythology creates a bit of a muddle, though, because it makes the population of victims into both a "food" supply as well as a source of "progeny." More food, less progeny, and vice versa. There's probably a biological reason why most animals don't eat their own offspring, and I'm not sure whether zombie movies and shows have quite worked this out. Usually, most zombie movies don't delve into the question at all, simply presenting zombies as a brute, massive, disruptive, and sudden reality that leaves people with no time to ask why or how. As the Zombieland movies have taught us, the important things during a zombie apocalypse are cardio, double-tapping, checking dark and abandoned places, and never staying anywhere alone. The question of whether zombies are alive, dead, or somewhere in between is dealt with differently in different stories. It's generally agreed either that zombie nervous systems are somehow active or that some sort of evil animating force has entered the zombie's body. Either way, the solution to killing a shambler or a runner is to lop off its head. In many stories, there's a sort of analogical logic at play: most zombies crave your brain, and zombies are defeated by either cutting their brains away from their bodies or by destroying their brains through some other means (sledgehammer, grenade, tank treads, etc.). 

Kingdom tries to be a bit different in its portrayal of zombies: Yes, the zombies are still mindless and vicious (in this show, they're of the "runner" variety), but their origin seems to be from something called a "resurrection herb," or saengsa-cho in Korean (생사초/生死草, or literally a "life-death herb"). As it turns out, it's not so much the plant itself that's the problem: it's the tiny eggs underneath the plant's leaves that hatch little worms—not so different from hookworms, pinworms, or Ascaris roundworms—that infect a host and turn him or her into a zombie. Once infected, this person has only to bite others to infect them, and a "turning" can happen in anywhere from seconds to a minute. The zombies in Kingdom are also less affected by sunlight than they are by temperature: on a cold winter's day, they can still run freely about the land, piling up in crowds against fortress walls and gates, eventually brute-forcing their way into every sort of protection available to 17th-century Koreans. However, the worms inside of and powering the zombies are averse to water, which can apparently drown them, and which is why the zombies seem unwilling to cross watercourses or swim in rivers and lakes. This is a fairly demythologized take on zombiism that manages to avoid the usual viral and curse-related etiologies.

Kingdom, based on a webtoon called Kingdom of the Gods, takes place at the beginning of the 1600s and just after the conclusion of a real period in Korean history called the Imjin War, in which the Japanese invaded the peninsula and moved against the Joseon (also called Yi/Lee) Dynasty. The main character of the series is Yi Chang (Ju Ji-hoon), son of the current king and of an unmarried mother, which reduces his ability to succeed his father since the father is currently married to the young and scheming queen consort, a Cho of the Cho Haewon clan (Kim Hye-jun) who is supposedly pregnant with a son. This son, when born, will be a more direct successor to the king; the Cho clan, from the king's chief councilor Cho Hak-ju (Ryu Seung-ryong) on down, is scheming to take over all of Korea from the Yi Dynasty. Yi Chang's father the king is reportedly sick with smallpox, which allows Cho Hak-ju and his clan to rule unimpeded. A treatment with a plant called the "resurrection herb" has however, turned the king into a zombie, and the king's inner circle is sworn to secrecy about his condition. The Cho clan does what it can to sully Yi Chang's good name and have him either exiled or killed. Meanwhile, the rabid king bites a servant, whose body is taken back to a village (presumably his home village), where the starving peasants greedily consume a meaty stew made from the servant's flesh. The entire village is infected, and the zombie apocalypse begins in earnest, affecting cities from Sangju and Mungyeong-Saejae all the way up to Hanyang (the old name for Seoul). A traveling nurse from Dongnae named Seo-bi (Bae Doona) does what she can to discover the cause of the outbreak and to find ways to combat it; Prince Yi and his faithful guard Mu-yeong (Kim Sang-ho) do what they can to rally the people and keep them safe from the zombie scourge, a task that proves nearly impossible. Prince Yi and Mu-yeong are joined by the cowardly Cho Beom-pal, the black sheep of the Cho family who is torn between obedience to his fearsome uncle Cho Hak-ju and his desire to help the people beat this horrific plague. Beom-pal is attracted to Seo-bi the nurse, but she has little respect for him given his repeated demonstrations of cowardice. She has a lot more respect for Prince Yi, who starts off seeming to be casually selfish, arrogant, and dismissive, but who changes as he learns firsthand about the postwar suffering of his people. Prince Yi changes so much, in fact, that he reaches a point where he refuses to abandon his subjects even if that means dying for them. Yi receives other help, though, from unexpected corners: First is the tiger hunter Yeong-shin (Kim Sung-gyu), a tracker, rifleman, and fighter who at first can't stand Prince Yi and whose family had suffered a terrible fate. But Yeong-shin eventually becomes one of Prince Yi's most faithful and capable followers. Also offering help is Lord Ah-hyeon, a popular veteran of the Imjin War who has just come out of secluded mourning to help Prince Yi. Ah-hyeon knows more about the plague than he initially lets on. Meanwhile, back in Hanyang, Season 1 ends with the queen consort's revelation that she is, in fact, not pregnant at all, and that her plan is to steal a male baby to pass off as her own. 

So Kingdom is a lot like Game of Thrones in its combination of petty human politics and an inhuman zombie apocalypse. But there is one major difference: In Game of Thrones, the zombies (called White Walkers or "the army of the dead" on the show, as opposed to just The Others, as they're called in George RR Martin's novels) take their sweet time marching toward the great, magical wall that divides the frozen north from the rest of Westeros. In fact, in that series, it's often hard to know just how fast the dead are marching and/or how close to the Wall they are. In Kingdom, by contrast, the zombie disaster explodes in the midst of the people, showing no regard for social class and no patience with the idea of a slow-walking doom. One quick scene shows a map of the Korean peninsula being rapidly consumed by a spreading blackness as the zombie plague extends its reach, destroying fortresses and villages alike. We discover that Ah-hyeon has dealt with the zombies before: chief councilor Cho Hak-ju had weaponized zombies against Japanese soldiers toward the end of the Imjin War after showing Ah-hyeon what the zombies were capable of in terms of their strength, seed, and ferocity. Ah-hyeon had done nothing to stop the zombies then; part of what motivates him now is a desire to atone for his earlier inaction, and a burning anger against the Cho clan. He is firmly in Prince Yi's camp. Will our heroes be able to stop the plague, stop the plotting of the vile Cho clan, and restore peace to the peninsula?

I've never been a fan of Korean dramas, which all tend to be melodramatic weep-and-scream orgies that rely on the same lame tropes over and over again—memory loss, the older relative with a terminal illness who passes on some crucial wisdom, the lower-class female office worker who falls for the upper-class son of the CEO, blubbering expressions of regret accented by flowing tears and running snot, blah, blah, blah. Most of these dramas are sappy treacle; they linger too long on dramatic moments and come saddled with cornily awful, cheaply produced, similar-sounding musical soundtracks (not that the soundtracks of American TV series are much better—the raunchy comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall actually contains some hilarious lines spoofing American TV series music). How K-dramas ever gained international popularity is beyond me.* But I think I might have a softer spot in my soul for Korean historical dramas, the sageuk mentioned at the beginning of this review. Years ago, I thoroughly enjoyed a series that had been playing during my mom's brain cancer. It was called Great Queen Seondeok (Seondeok yeowang/선덕여왕, lit. Queen Seondeok), and I was hooked, watching the series's 50-some episodes with subtitles and marveling at the ambitiousness of the production, which often felt like a massive stage play using the entire country as a stage. Great Queen Seondeok predisposed me to like Kingdom.

But Kingdom is sometimes hard to like because, despite its somewhat original take on zombies, much of the world-building just doesn't make sense. So the zombie plague isn't so much from a plant as from the tiny, vicious worms clustered under the plant's leaves? Then how did the worms survive being crushed in mortars and pestles (by Chinese-medicine doctors) to infect their unwitting victims? And if the worms hate water so much (to the point of fleeing it or being killed by it), what are they doing swimming around in human bloodstreams, which are mostly water? And why is it that some people, when bitten, just die (like the king's servant) while others turn into zombies (I think an explanation was given, but it was vague)? Why does Patient Zero have to be infected by the worms, then everyone else gets infected by zombie bites? How and why would something like the resurrection herb even evolve? And what was all about how how the zombies have been changing over time? The entire zombie-apocalypse side of this drama made very little sense to me. 

The other side of Kingdom, though, was the political drama as the exiled Prince Yi contends with the Cho clan for the throne even as he deals with the zombie apocalypse. I enjoyed the politics, as well as the depictions of the relationships between the nobles and the peasants, the discussions about a noble's duty to the people, and about the people's duty to the land and the country. Along with the political drama, another aspect that made the series more personal to me was its evocation of so many cities that I know from my long walks, especially along the Nakdong River. I've been through Mungyeong and Sangju; I've probably swung vaguely by Dongnae without even knowing it: it's part of modern Busan, a short distance from the Four Rivers trail. Character interactions were also a major plus for the drama: I kept rooting for Seo-bi and Prince Yi to get together; I liked watching Prince Yi's relationship with his guard Mu-yeong deepen. By the end of Season 2, the prince and the nurse are working together as a pair to learn the real root cause of the zombiism (predictably, it's a foreign culture), but there's little evidence of a romantic spark between them. East Asian dramas aren't as beholden to the romantic Western idea that a man and a woman, if they spend enough time together, must inevitably fall for each other, whereas we Westerners are hyper-alert for that trope.

I have to give special praise to Ryu Seung-ryong and Kim Hye-jun as, respectively, Cho Hak-ju, head of the Cho clan; and the scheming queen consort Cho, the equally evil, pregnancy-faking daughter of Cho Hak-ju. Also of note is Kim Sang-ho as Prince Yi's faithful guard Mu-yeong; the actor plays the role with competence and feeling. Mu-yeong is sometimes used for comic relief, but never at the expense of his expertise, humility, common sense, toughness and, ultimately, his loyalty unto the end. Some online commentators have compared Mu-yeong to Samwise Gamgee. At the beginning of the series, Prince Yi is casually abusive toward Mu-yeong, flippantly threatening to annihilate his guard's entire family for perceived misdeeds, but by the end of Season 2, we know that Mu-yeong is not only the prince's best and only real friend but also an important key to the problem of who should take the throne. We find out that Mu-yeong is laboring under a threat by the Cho clan to harm his pregnant wife (which may explain his sensitivity to Prince Yi's morbid jokes); the Cho clan has tasked Mu-yeong with sending back reports of the prince's location. It's a betrayal that weighs heavily on Mu-yeong's conscience.

The zombies themselves deserve praise, despite their confusing and nonsensical properties and origins, for being utterly relentless throughout the entire series. I recall watching Starship Troopers in 1997, and there was a moment when the human soldiers were on Planet P, and all of the Bugs came boiling out of the ground in their hundreds of thousands, all bearing down on the tiny human fortification of Whiskey Outpost. I remember the feeling of utter, bleak hopelessness while watching that scene, and there are moments in Kingdom that evoke similar emotions: desolation in the face of overwhelming odds. While it took only an episode or two to establish who had plot armor, there were still plenty of likable side characters and not-quite-main characters who ended up as zombie fodder, thus adding to the sense of loss.

I can imagine that some viewers won't be happy with the series's constant cutting away to flashbacks of the recent past. As narrative techniques go, this one is arguably a little overused. For me, though, the flashbacks aren't nearly as damaging to the narrative as the confusing and possibly contradictory world-building going on with the zombies, which—if you'll forgive the language—ought to have been fleshed out more coherently. The political drama, by contrast, is much more coherent.

It's also noteworthy that Kingdom came out just in time for the COVID pandemic to take hold. I haven't read any critical commentary from the time, but it's not hard to guess that many critics might have seen parallels between a zombie horde sweeping through a country and a pandemic sweeping over the world. A friend also suggested that the zombies of Kingdom could be seen as an allegory (see above re: slavery). Given zombies' traditional association with death, irrational hunger, and decay, I'd surmise that the zombies of Kingdom might serve as an allegory for governmental corruption and the plight of the people. If so, this is a good use of what is basically a Western (or Western-Haitian) trope in the service of a Korean story.

All in all, I found Kingdom to be watchable and well acted. Certain story elements, like the dirty politics and the character interactions, made me care about the plot. The zombie side of the story, though, struck me as weak and in dire need of some logical shoring-up. I recommend this series to anyone looking for a K-drama that's not just a bunch of weeping and screaming, but people in search of a more airtight story might have to look elsewhere.

__________

*Well, it's not entirely beyond me. I've heard that, in certain Western conservative circles, K-dramas fill a void because they depict relatively healthy, functional families that prioritize familial relationships and traditional values like respect for one's elders (as opposed to the "my Dad is also my best friend" or "shut the fuck up, old man" rhetoric so often found in the postmodern, egalitarian West), respect for society, hard work, disciplined focus, etc. In these dramas, the Korean men might seem a bit effeminate and overly weepy by American standards, but at least the men are men and the women are women, unburdened by all of the Western bullshit regarding identity, equality, and sexual orientation. K-dramas are also generally not filled with lots of guns, drugs, sex, and racial animosity. And while I think the Korean landscape is changing on all of the above points, I don't think Western conservatives are entirely wrong to perceive what they're perceiving. Then again, I only ever see bits and pieces of K-dramas whenever I'm in a place with a TV, like a waiting room or a hospital. I have a TV at home, but I almost never use it except once in a blue moon to watch DVDs and Blu-rays. So I'm definitely not any kind of expert on this sort of entertainment.

one of my favorite cakes

da, comrade—Russia has big, fat shotgun, too

Nouns, Part 6 quiz done!

The final quiz for the Nouns section of my grammar syllabus is done! Go visit the site, take the quiz, and report any problems you see. I just gave the quiz a whirl and it seems okay, but you might see some problems that I don't.

In other news, I lost a Substack subscriber. The person wasn't a paying subscriber, so his loss doesn't really matter (no offense to any other free subscribers), but there we are. It's my hope that there will eventually be others, but you never know. It would've been nice if he'd been curious enough to pay-subscribe and have access to the rest of my content, in which case its his own fault for being bored by what he had limited himself to. But whatever—people are free to do what they want, and most life-choices involve some level of risk. Shigata ganai, as the Japanese say: It can't be helped.

schedule change

I've changed my schedule! The 18K walk will be tomorrow (Friday), so I'll spend today writing up and vibe-coding the final noun quiz. I'll then walk tomorrow, do my 33K walk from Sunday night to Monday morning, then do 9.5K walks on Tuesday and Thursday, preferably very early in the morning as practice for getting up around 4 a.m. during the walk itself.

Further walk-related updates will appear on mon nouveau blog de marche.

everyone will visit Japan for 15 minutes

With Johnny Somali trapped in Korea, foreigners feel safe doing their in-Japan food videos.

in the line of fire

H2Omigod

more Chuck Norris AI

I'd forgotten that there's a hilarious moment where Chuck does the most badass thing ever: He saves John Wick's dog.

another quiz!

Another quiz done, this time for compound and possessive nouns! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel: Part 6 is the last noun section, then we move on to verbs. Generating these quizzes is proving to be easy compared to the vibe-coding I'd been trying to do for my Do You Deserve to Vote? app, where it's just difficulty after difficulty.

As always, try the quiz out. If you have problems or disagreements, please leave a comment, air out your grievances, or leave suggestions/observations/smartass remarks. Of course, since most of the people reading this blog are not paying Substack subscribers, there's no way for you folks to check whether the quizzes indeed match the material being taught. But you can check other aspects of testing logic, perceived fairness, overall "playability," and other factors as well. I've thought about adding an "answer explanations" feature. If people start to clamor for one, I'll provide it, but it's going to mean exponentially more (vibe-)coding, which will bog me down with work. It's better just to leave your questions either in a given quiz's comment section or on Substack. I'll be happy to answer whatever questions I receive.

Because it's been hard to "scale up" the quiz coding to the size of a test, I'm beginning to wonder whether creating tests is even feasible. At some point, I need to learn how to code so I can create my own architecture myself.

Anyway, check out the latest quiz.

Frankenstein film clash

work/life balance before a "big" walk

This year's walk promises to be the shortest of the "big" walks that I've ever done.* Officially 146 kilometers, the Geumgang trail promises to be a compressed series of dams (the dams are more spread out along the Four Rivers trail). Since I love Korean dams, this ought to be a treat. Paradoxically, though, I'm having to prep for this trip a little more thoroughly in terms of equipment because I'll have no choice but to camp for one night. So: big backpack to carry the camping equipment, freeze-dried food, mess kit, and chemical fuel for a chemical campfire (not used in years... I hope it's still good). In case it rains, I need to bring rain gear for myself and my backpack, as well as a Ziploc bag for my phone to keep it safe from the damp.

Practice walks are part of the prep. When you do practice walks, you don't want to overexert yourself right before you set out on the real walk: blisters, etc., acquired before the walk only become bigger problems during the walk. So you have to leave yourself a few days to heal from whatever aches and pains come with the practice walking. My practice-walk schedule is: do a 9.5K walk (which I did yesterday), then an 18K walk (that's tomorrow), then a 33K walk (that's Saturday). Next week, practice walking with the backpack—9.5K walks next Tuesday and Thursday, nothing strenuous. Meanwhile, prep equipment, perform any last-minute checks on the route, and squeeze in some work.

For me right now, "work" basically means quiz-generation and book-creation. I plan to pump out two more quizzes before my departure date (March 15th, the Ides), then concentrate on my movie-review book. On the days I do my 18K and 33K walks, I doubt I'll have the energy to do any work at all. This means I'm working today, walking tomorrow, working Friday during the day, walking Friday night to Saturday morning, then working straight through the 14th of the month (9.5K-walk days are also work days).

March 4 (today): work on quizzes
March 5 (Thu.): walk 18K to Bundang (+ work...?)
March 6 (Fri.) work on quizzes
March 6-7 (Fri.-Sat.): walk 33K, Yangpyeong to Yeoju
March 7 (all day): probably rest
March 8 (Sun.): work on movie-review book
March 9 (Mon.): work on book
March 10 (Tue.): 9.5K walk with backpack, work on book
March 11 (Wed.): work on book 
March 12 (Thu.): 9.5K walk with backpack, work on book
March 13 (Fri): work on book
March 14 (Sat.): work on book, final trip prep
March 15 (Sun.): depart for Daejeon, stay overnight
March 16-20: walk the Geumgang trail, pref. w/no injuries
March 20, evening: arrive back in Seoul
March 21: back to work, maybe with another quiz or three
before April 20: finish the ebook version of the movie-review book
April 20-30: repopulate Substack, the blog, etc.
before May 15: finish the dead-tree version of movie-review book

__________

*I've done several 120K walks from Incheon to Yangpyeong over the course of four days before, so it's not as though 146 km is that big of a difference. Just a day's difference is all.

an oldie but a goodie

From five years ago:

a new quiz is up at Test Central

The quiz corresponding to my post Nouns, Part 4: Collective Nouns is up over at my Test Central blog. I'll have another quiz up by tonight, then a third quiz up either late Thursday (tomorrow) or sometime on Friday. You need to become a paying subscriber to understand the rules governing collective nouns, especially the rules for US English, before you try the quiz. Otherwise, be my guest and try several rounds of the quiz without reading the lesson, and if you see any problems with my questions, leave a comment.

In other news: I'm halfway through Season 2 of Kingdom. I've never been a fan of zombie movies and shows, but Kingdom has been pretty good so far despite logic problems.

As the Starks might say, A review is coming.

he's back

mechanical versus biological—an unexpected turn

old news now, but did you hear this one?

While most of this story is now known to us (see my review of The Lost King), the surprising part is what the analysis of King Richard's paternal DNA line showed.

first walk in March

Today was a good day for a walk, so I walked out to the Han River. It was around 10.6ºC when I started (about 51ºF), so I wore just my jacket. Eventually, I'll have to do two or three training walks with a backpack on my back.

looking up Gaepo street; my apartment building's on the far-left edge of the photo

the footbridge I always cross to get to the Tan's creekside

walking along the Tan (note the baesumun/배수문/drainage gate)

"I See U" graffito, grit-blasted off but still visible

traffic dummy, resting

scrawny tree, "conversation pit," creekside brush

Click to enlarge, then right-click and select "open image in new window" to see, up close, the yellow sign between the trees.

Almost at the confluence with the Yangjae Creek; I'll turn right here.

about to cross the Yangjae; I'll continue along the Tan (off to the right)

where the Yangjae flows into the Tan

a rare shot between the two low bridges (pedestrian + bike)

Egret? "You know nothing, Jon Snow."

The fish are back.

Whoa—a new cairn (tap/탑) has sprung up.

a closer look

A CLOSER LOOK

I never walk this short boardwalk. Don't know why.

other, cruder cairns?

You can't see it, but the Tan Creek is off to the right.

all paved over now—no more fencing or construction equipment

a view down the path and down the creek

I'm stepping off into this long parking lot (left).

looking way over at Jamshil, the district where the Lotte World Tower is

stadium across the way (formerly an Olympic Stadium from the 1988 Seoul Olympics)

a different stadium, plus other colors

walking along the parking lot—Pylon F

Pylon(s) H

crossing the Tan Creek and nearing the halfway point, where I turn around

Jersey barriers and—whoa, who's that?

the almost-final stretch to the U-turn point

plastic Jersey barriers

two more bridges to go

seeing the beauty in the ugliness

Professor X would be proud.

rebar crosses

There's been a lot of aggressive landscaping, like this ramp.

Could I live here?

construction, scaffolding, etc.

almost at the turnaround point—final bridge ahead

This red rig-thingy was pumping up and down in a rather naughty way.

looking left

where I turn around—right by the Tan/Han confluence

When I was about a quarter done, I was standing at the Yangjae/Tan confluence, taking pictures, when a random old guy sauntered up and handed me two little nurungji (toasted-rice flavor) candies. You should never accept candy from strangers because you never know if they're trying to poison you, so I pocketed the treats, bowed in thanks, and went on my way. I did eat the candies upon my return, and I didn't die. Maybe the poison needs something to react with to be activated, so stay tuned. Or maybe the guy was making a statement: Big fella, you look as though you could use some food. Here you go.

After I had turned around and by the time I had done about three-quarters of the route, I suddenly realized that I had seen only guys on bikes. With the imminent arrival of spring, all of the fair-weather pussies are back out, but today, for whatever reason, I had seen only guys. A rolling sausage party. Then suddenly, at about the three-quarters mark, a line of female bikers appeared—maybe four or five ladies in rapid succession, thoroughly owning their side of the path. It was almost as if the cosmos had responded to my having noticed a deficiency; it supplied a correction. For those of us not in relationships, anyway, women make everything better. A bit like bacon. Just remember which one to fry and which one to eat.

On Thursday, I'll do a longer walk, maybe down to Bundang (18K). Then on Saturday, I'll try a nighttime-to-morning walk from Yangpyeong to Yeoju (33K). Basically, I'm testing whether I can do these stretches with no major problems. The upcoming walk promises to be brutal: short, but with a 40K segment and a 34K segment: Days 1 and 4 of five days on the trail.

I don't know if I'll be taking pics of my upcoming little walks, so treasure the photos you see here. Naver Map is still being vague about the actual, full distance I'm walking when I do this particular route. Sometimes, it's 9K total; sometimes, it's 10K. I'm tempted to split the difference and say it's 9.5K. Whatever. A vague "9 or 10K" is fine for such a short walk.

Right—more later. Maybe.

how I know I'm getting old

When your French brother's twenty-something son sends an invitation to his wedding, you know you're getting old. I got the following PDF (reduced in size for blog purposes):

Jeanne et Pierre Ducoulombier = my French Maman et Papa
Véronique et Dominique Ducoulombier = my French "brother's" wife and my French bro
"Have the joy to announce the marriage of
Manon & Augustin
They are happy and will be united for life"

That last part is very literally (maybe over-literally) translated. If you read certain French translations of the Bible, though, and you're looking at the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), you'll immediately see that "Blessed are those who..." is translated as "Heureux qui...", i.e., "Happy are those who..." This is probably because the Greek term in question (Μακάριοι οἱ) can be translated as either "happy" or "blessed." So a less literal, looser, yet more "noble"-sounding translation of Ils sont heureux et vont s'unir pour la vie might be "They will happily enter into an eternal, blessed union." This introduces nuances not in the original, but you're taking a risk no matter how you translate something.

"M&A will be happy to find you on a day full of love and tenderness,
rich in emotions to celebrate their betrothal.
Saturday, July 4, 2026
The religious ceremony will take place at
3:00 p.m. at St. Eutrope Church
79270 Le Vanneau-Irleau.
At the end of the celebration, the families will have the pleasure
to greet you for a cocktail party that will be served at:
Domaine du Château des Loups (Domain of the Château of Wolves)
Chemin des Loups 79000 Sciecq

St. Eutrope Church is the cathedral right next door to where Dominique runs his B&B. He's in a very small, town-y, peaceful location. Even the cemetery by the church feels peaceful, not creepy. In 2018, my B&B room looked over the cemetery.

DINNER
We will rejoice to receive you at 8:30 p.m. for dinner at
Domaine du Château des Loups, 79000 Sciecq
You can set up a camper, camper-trailer, or a tent
at the reception area to celebrate as one should.
Response desired before April 4, 2026.

M = Manon
A = Augustin (a.k.a. Auguste or just Guste)

We will be delighted to greet you the following day, Sunday, July 5, 2026, from 11 a.m.
to have brunch and to prolong the celebration at Domaine du Château des Loups, 79000 Sciecq.
Response desired before April 4, 2026.

I took a long look at that name, Sciecq, and finally decided it should be pronounced "see-eck" or "syeck." And I was right! I looked Sciecq up, and it's a commune (small geographical region) not far from where Dominique lives.

cute couple

Response card:
Thank you for returning a response before April 4, 2026.
Your family names and given names:
☐ Yes, we will be present—_____ adults, _____ children (under 12)
☐ No, we will not be able to be there.
☐ Special dietary requests: ______________________________

Ah, our path together. Note the French style for writing dates: 04-07-26 means July 4, i.e., 7/4/26.

I'm still trying to decide whether I have the funds to go. Technically, I do, but a plane ticket followed by the price of staying at Dominique's B&B (he'll insist on not charging me, but I plan to sneak him cash if I do go) will put a big dent in my dwindling budget. 

Timing is also a factor. I can theoretically say yes by April, get a fall uni job by May, use my dwindling cash to travel to France in July, then use the rest of my cash to move to whatever city my new job will be in (right now, I'm guessing Ulsan or Daegu).

Decisions, decisions.