Thursday, April 02, 2015

Memories Pizza

[Read this article for background.]

STAN: Memories Pizza. Stan speaking. May I take your order?

PHIL: Hi, Stan! Phil here. My life-partner and I would like to recruit your services for our wedding.

STAN: I'm sorry—did you say "life partner"?

PHIL: Yes, I did, Stan. I'm talking about Brian, my fiancé.

STAN: Fiancé? You guys gay or something?

PHIL: Why, yes, Stan, we are. We've been residents of this town for years, and we love your pizza. I know, I know—it's crazy to ask a pizzeria to cater a wedding, but that's how much we love you guys.

STAN: Hey, Phil, I'm sorry, but... but I just don't feel comfortable catering, uh, that sort of wedding. A gay wedding, I mean. See, I'm a church-going Christian man, and... well... it'd just be against my principles to cater a gay wedding.

PHIL: I'm sorry to hear that, Stan. I really am. See you 'round, then.

STAN: Uh, yeah. Bye.

[15 minutes later]

LESLIE: Hi! Is this Memories Pizza?

STAN: Yes, it is, ma'am! What can I do you for?

LESLIE: Hey, we're, like, having a huge party here at 2001 Main. Think you guys could float us, oh, fifteen pepperoni pizzas? We won't need them for a couple hours, so take your time. There's other stuff going on right now—you can probably hear the noise.

STAN: Sounds like a shindig, ma'am. Uh, yeah, sure, we can get you fifteen pepperonis. Large?

LESLIE: Yassir! Large and in charge!

STAN: 2001 Main, right?

LESLIE: Yup, that's it! Could you have the pizzas here around 2:30?

STAN: 2:30 it is. Since you're ordering so many, how 'bout we give you a 15% discount?

LESLIE: Wow, that'd be great! So how much we owe you?

STAN: Well, let's see... It's normally $9.50 for a large pepperoni, times fifteen... that's $142.50, but with a 15% discount, that comes to $121.13.

LESLIE: We got you covered, plus tip!

STAN: Great. (Stan hangs up.)

[Meanwhile, at 2001 Main Street, First Presbyterian Church...]

PHIL: Thanks, Leslie. Oh, and Brian thanks you, too. He's over in the corner, getting acquainted with the punch.

LESLIE: No, no thanks necessary. It was easy! The guy might not want to cater a gay wedding, but he seems okay with individual orders... that happen to be going to a gay wedding.


1 comment:

  1. Exactly. I've not weighed in on this issue because I considered it yets another in a long line of faux issues intended to distract folks from real issues.

    I have noted the rank hypocrisy of many of those railing against Indiana. Apple won't do business there, but Saudi Arabia is fine and dandy. If you are gay in Saudi your goal is to keep you head attached to your shoulders long enough to eat a pizza. Where's the outrage?



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