purgatory

What's it like to want to do something but to lack the energy to do it? And what's it like to lie around doing nothing while feeling you should be out there doing something? That's about where I am now, caught in this weird limbo or purgatory. I'd like to get out and about, to do a bit of walking, but the moment I think seriously about going out, my body goes into lazy-slob mode, and I just want to stay in bed. Then, when I'm in bed, all I want to do is get up and move around. Lying in bed too long also produces aches.

I've also got a partially stuffy nose that is causing breathing issues; a sore throat that won't go away despite my constant gargling with hydrogen peroxide, salt water, and even Listerine (not all at the same time in case you're wondering); the aforementioned body aches; and God knows what else. So dragging my carcass over to the computer to type out this entry is a supreme effort. If I summon up the will, I might be able to run a garbage errand and hit the Paris Baguette in my building to get a salad. I've got beef in my fridge that I've been meaning to cook for a couple of days, but I'm afraid it may have gone rancid by now. I'm not seeing the telltale puffing of the plastic wrap over the beef, indicating bacterial activity, so maybe we're okay. I should either cook the meat up tonight or chuck it in the freezer for a later date.

My boss called yesterday to ask me whether I'm testing myself for COVID. I'm pretty sure this isn't COVID, but I might buy a test kit tomorrow morning and test myself, anyway. The last time I tested myself—twice in a row this past March—I was negative both times. I don't expect this time to be any different, which is one reason why I'm hesitant to even bother. Meanwhile, I'm whittling down my stores of multisymptom cold medicine and ibuprofen. I ate next to nothing yesterday and haven't eaten a thing today, so I'm thinking a small salad might be in order, although I really don't feel hungry at all. Correction: in the spirit of my current purgatory, I both do and don't feel hungry.

Well, I've been through shit like this before, and if there's one ironclad rule of nature, it's that this too shall pass. I'll get over this soon, I'm sure.