tragedy at the Obama residence

Headline:

Dead Body Found Floating Near Obama Mansion Identified As Obama White House Sous Chef

The dead body found floating near the Obama family’s lakeside Martha’s Vineyard estate on Monday has been identified as Tafari Campbell, a former White House sous chef who worked under the Obama administration.

45-year-old Campbell was one of the top chefs at the Obama White House and reportedly brewed the White House honey ale beer called “Ale To The Chief” using ingredients from Michelle Obama’s South Lawn Garden.

Campbell’s body was recovered 100 feet from shore on Monday morning by Massachusetts State Police (MSP) divers after receiving a 911 call from the 30-acre waterfront Obama mansion.

Police said witnesses on Sunday observed “a male paddle boarder who had gone into the water, appeared to briefly struggle to stay on the surface, and then submerged and did not resurface…Another paddle boarder was on the pond with him at the time and observed him go under the water.”

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MSP claimed that Campbell “was visiting Martha’s Vineyard at the time of his passing. President and Mrs. Obama were not present at the residence at the time of the accident.”

The circumstances of Campbell’s death are still under investigation.

“The investigation into the fatality is being conducted by the State Police Detective Unit for the Cape and Islands District and Edgartown Police,” said an MSP spokesman.

Notably, Campbell had broadcasted his inability to swim in a 2017 Instagram post from the beach with the hashtag #stillcantswim.

Jesus.