when your correction isn't correct

So much of what I do revolves around the idea that poor self-expression sucks out any wit, dignity, or legitimacy from whatever it is you're trying to say. That's my entire campaign, hopeless as it is. Supposedly clever memes are undermined by misspellings, bad grammar, and poor punctuation. Folksy stories and anecdotes are deprived of dignity because a person has no mastery of tense control and subject-verb agreement, no knowledge of what a clause is and what the clause-related rules are. Official pronouncements from high office are undermined by childish over-capitalization and inappropriately coarse, obtuse language.

Worst of all are the people who swoop in to correct this garbage but make their own mistakes in doing so. I was just emailed an example. Here's the background: Melania Trump gave a speech. She got criticized by one dumb pundit named Tim Miller (not the film director), who wrote his tweet in exceedingly poor English. But when someone then swooped in to correct Miller's English, that would-be hero fucked up in his correction. Here's the relevant tweet:

I hate to break this to you, asshole, but your English sucks. What's your excuse? pic.twitter.com/xKoOQu2nmn

— Grateful Calvin (@shoveitjack) April 9, 2026

According to most style manuals, you don't capitalize titles like first lady, president, sergeant, mom, etc. unless they're in front of a name or replacing the name.

WRONG: Where's the President?
RIGHT: Where's the president? (no name, so no capital)

WRONG: I heard your Mom was in an accident.
RIGHT: I heard your mom was in an accident. (no name, so no capital)

WRONG: We need to speak with sergeant Montgomery.
RIGHT: We need to speak with Sergeant Montgomery. (capitalize in front of name)

WRONG: Show president Smith your evidence.
RIGHT: Show President Smith your evidence. (capitalize in front of name)

WRONG: You'd better tell dad.
RIGHT: You'd better tell Dad. (replacing a name)

Admittedly, there's some debate about whether first lady should always be capitalized. But most sources suggest the common-sense rule I articulated above: Don't capitalize titles unless they're in front of a name or replacing the name.

My correspondent suggested that the larger point was: Don't criticize someone's English if your own English is worse. I responded that the larger point is undermined when the "correction" is also wrong. Don't trip over your own dick in your haste to correct someone else. And yes, I'm self-aware enough to know I should take this advice, too. 

The point is: We all should. Hold yourself to a higher standard. Don't be a lazy fucking slob who mentally litters. Clean up your own goddamn mess.