Sunday, September 25, 2011


It's going to take me some time to get used to this new work schedule. As you know, I've sacrificed Mondays to work on Saturdays, which means I no longer have a string of three free days. I don't think I slept all that well on Friday night because I knew I would have to wake up early Saturday morning; on Saturdays, YB goes from 9AM to 5PM instead of from 3:30PM to 9:30PM. I also had to make sure that I got all my eating done early on Friday, so that I could take a massive dump the following morning and go eight hours without needing the terlit.

Alas, my strategy didn't quite work out as planned: although I did manage to finish eating by 6PM Friday, my Saturday morning turd-birthing session was rather disappointing, with just a few tiny earthworms of poop wriggling out. I'm guessing this is because my body is used to pooping later in the day; it was a rude wake-up call, from my colon's point of view, to be forced to perform several hours earlier than usual. I showered and dressed, fully expecting to need to hit the pot while at work, and dreading that awful moment.

Luckily, the moment never came. I must have planned well: I took some Imodium before I left for work, and that may have calmed the intestinal nerves enough to keep The Urge (I often think of my colon as more of a Demiurge, actually) from arising. Also, the meal I had on Friday was vegetable-heavy as opposed to being carb-heavy, and I'm sure that fact played a role in my Saturday non-poopage.

If we were ever to create mini-teleportation technology like the device featured in "Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country" (remember when Chekov collected Klingon blood samples from the floor of the Enterprise's transporter room by using a mini-transporter?), I'd be among the first to purchase such tech* as a means to teleport unpooped crap out of my guts. I hate unpooped crap, you see: it detracts from the satisfaction of crapping when you know, as Mr. Creosote did, that There's still more.

Unfortunately, we don't yet live in a world of casual poop-teleportation, so I have to make do with my mixture of timing, vegetables, and Imodium. Until I'm finally used to my new schedule, that is.

*Bulimics wouldn't be far behind.


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