Sunday, September 25, 2011

weirdness

It's going to take me some time to get used to this new work schedule. As you know, I've sacrificed Mondays to work on Saturdays, which means I no longer have a string of three free days. I don't think I slept all that well on Friday night because I knew I would have to wake up early Saturday morning; on Saturdays, YB goes from 9AM to 5PM instead of from 3:30PM to 9:30PM. I also had to make sure that I got all my eating done early on Friday, so that I could take a massive dump the following morning and go eight hours without needing the terlit.

Alas, my strategy didn't quite work out as planned: although I did manage to finish eating by 6PM Friday, my Saturday morning turd-birthing session was rather disappointing, with just a few tiny earthworms of poop wriggling out. I'm guessing this is because my body is used to pooping later in the day; it was a rude wake-up call, from my colon's point of view, to be forced to perform several hours earlier than usual. I showered and dressed, fully expecting to need to hit the pot while at work, and dreading that awful moment.

Luckily, the moment never came. I must have planned well: I took some Imodium before I left for work, and that may have calmed the intestinal nerves enough to keep The Urge (I often think of my colon as more of a Demiurge, actually) from arising. Also, the meal I had on Friday was vegetable-heavy as opposed to being carb-heavy, and I'm sure that fact played a role in my Saturday non-poopage.

If we were ever to create mini-teleportation technology like the device featured in "Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country" (remember when Chekov collected Klingon blood samples from the floor of the Enterprise's transporter room by using a mini-transporter?), I'd be among the first to purchase such tech* as a means to teleport unpooped crap out of my guts. I hate unpooped crap, you see: it detracts from the satisfaction of crapping when you know, as Mr. Creosote did, that There's still more.

Unfortunately, we don't yet live in a world of casual poop-teleportation, so I have to make do with my mixture of timing, vegetables, and Imodium. Until I'm finally used to my new schedule, that is.




*Bulimics wouldn't be far behind.


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