Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Mixed Colostomy Bag Wednesday: Poultrytudinous

it'll come to you


I was all set to present you with your first-ever view of chicken porn. I had the scenario all laid out: you'd see a series of cartoons depicting a chicken striking various nasty poses, claws spread, wings wide, tongue lolling and eyes half-closed. I couldn't get the pics done, though; the muse left me, that bitch. So instead, I now present you with half the package-- captions without pics-- and you'll have to use your imagination, just like so many spouses do after ten years of marriage.

[Pic 1: Head shot of Betty Lou the hen, sort of a wide-eyed innocent look that belies the carnal delights to come.]

CAPTION: This is Betty Lou. For her, it's all about the cock.

[Pic 2: Betty Lou fellating a ram with obvious gusto.]

CAPTION: Any cock will do.

[Pic 3: Betty Lou in "split beaver" pose, on her back, claws spread wide, sexy smile on her face.]

CAPTION: If you like your chicken honey-roasted, Betty Lou's got what you want.

[Pic 4: Betty Lou prostrated, on her front and in relaxed doggy-style pose, looking back at us over her shoulder, ready to take it in the eggs.]

CAPTION: You like chicken fingers? Ever fingered a chicken?

[Pic 5: Betty Lou with some animal's spoo all over her face.]

CAPTION: Whoa! At a guess, Betty Lou's not covered in sweet and sour sauce!

[Pic 6: Betty Lou on top, riding a squirrel like there's no tomorrow. Squirrel's face suggests he's about to come.]

CAPTION: Betty Lou tells us that all animals should live in harmony. Every life is precious.

[Pic 7: Betty Lou getting orally serviced by a farm dog.]

CAPTION: And lookee here! Who says dogs don't like some chicken salad now and then?


Damn, it's really a shame I couldn't bring this to you the way I wanted to.


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