Thursday, September 07, 2006

postal scrotum: the Maven speaks!

The Maven writes:

Ah GrASShoppah, you have plucked the pebble from my ass!

The colonic conundrum. "Do I intervene, or do I fart?"

Much in the way that shit happens, so, too, do farts, and oftentimes against our wishes, regardless of how iron-clad our sphincters appear.

Your post reminded me of when I initially started taking formal yoga classes (after ten years of practice and study on my own). And I made the mistake of rushing to eat after work and THEN head to the class, wherein it was obvious I was the only gravitationally-challenged yogini in the class.

So we go thru our suryasana, and then to individual asanas. Downfacing dog turned out to be the most challenging, but not challenging in the obvious sense. The challenge I encountered was an inner struggle... with my ass. In downfacing dog, your asshole is very relaxed, as tension is exerted elsewhere during this posture. In otherwords with zero friction, a freight train could amble itself out your ass... painlessly.

So there I was, ass up, face down, and an intense gurgling going on. So I started a prayer, "Please lord, don't let me be the fat chick who farts in class. Show mercy on the person behind me." And just as we finished with this asana and were about to move into another, across the lecture hall, I heard someone "coupez le fromage." I silently mouthed the words, "Thank you Jesus!"

And whilst on a psyllium segue...

Mr. Nugget and I did a colon detox recently, and I must admit, this stuff worked well, much better than simple Metamucil (though I do keep fiber wafers in my desk as a colon-friendly snack): LINK

PS: Honestly? I think Vader doesn't say, "Luke, I'm your father." I think Vader has a near Bostonian accent and is saying, "Luke, I am your fahr-tah."

Peace ("two fingas")



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