Tuesday, June 10, 2014

dispelling the croyel

In The Second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, a fantasy trilogy by Stephen R. Donaldson, our heroes encounter a demonic being known as the croyel. Originating somewhere in the dark depths of the Earth, the croyel, like any good demon, makes bargains with the hosts to which it attaches. The bargain normally involves the conferral of supernatural powers to the victim; in return, the croyel is allowed to feed on the victim's life force. Once the bargain is sealed, the croyel assumes the shape of something that piggybacks on the victim. In one case, the croyel appears to be a baby nuzzling against an old man's back; in another, the croyel appears as a dwarf ice-monster sitting atop another, larger ice-monster. In both cases, the croyel, like a vampire, feeds off its victim by latching physically onto it somewhere around the neck region. Unlike a vampire, however, the croyel feeds from behind.

I've got a croyel right now, I think: an oppressive crick in my neck that feels an awful lot like a pinched nerve. Decompressing the nerve by rolling my head around to stretch the C-spine vertebrae doesn't seem to help; aspirin doesn't help, either, which is why I'm convinced this is a pinched nerve and not a muscle spasm.

So in a few minutes, I'll be off to the herbal clinic. I had thought about going there before, for my hip problem, but this neck problem is arguably much worse: I've had it for several days, and the pain has only intensified during that time. Last night, I don't think I slept more than an hour: no matter what position I took on the bed, the pain would fade for five seconds, then come back with a vengeance. So here's hoping the witch doctors can do something to exorcize my croyel. I need my neck, and would like to keep my head attached to my shoulders.

CROYELOUS UPDATE: The place I went to ended up being a standard, Western-style ear/nose/throat (and neck) clinic, not a haneui-weon (Chinese-style herbal clinic). The visit probably lasted no more than ten minutes. The doc checked my mouth and nostrils, asked me a few questions about the pain I was feeling, palpated my neck, right shoulder, and right trapezius, then prescribed a three-part regimen: ass injection, meds (WHY? aspirin didn't work, as I told him), and chemical-heat pads. I'm not sure the injection did much for me, and I can say for sure that the meds are doing nothing (after the volume of meds I dumped into myself during my hip problem, I'm probably immune to all painkillers now), but the chemical-heat pad is a definite relief. At a guess, the best remedy for me would be to alternate between sitting in a jacuzzi and getting shoulder-massaged by hot, naked women intent on providing me a happy ending. But that's not happening in this universe, so I'm stuck with chemical heat. Felt sorry for the lady who had to give me my ass injection: I was sweaty from all the walking I had done, so it must have been a fearsome sight when I peeled back my pants and underpants to reveal the upper half of one enormous, glistening buttock for her to stab. But she was undaunted, and the shot happened painlessly. I pulled up my pants; the buttock's disappearance would have looked, from the nurse's perspective, like a dolphin's giant head sinking slowly beneath the waves—a marvel of nature only rarely seen.


1 comment:

John said...

I clicked the link but didn't get the happy ending I was hoping for. Ah well...