the new setup

Behold all of my new pillows:

The new pillows are mixed in with the old ones, but you can see the knee pillow (which keeps my legs raised as I sleep without tossing and turning), the 2-component back pillow, which sits against the wall and allows me to sleep in a more or less proper alignment instead of having to stuff myself into a corner, and two traditional "grain" pillows (probably buckwheat husks) that are a bit stiff and resistant, but perfect to push off from in the morning when I wake up and need to move. I'm getting up with a lot less pain, now, thanks to this setup.

I heard some shocking news that may nevertheless be useful information confirming the idea that genetics is destiny: an unnamed American cousin of mine—also a half-and-half and related to me indirectly through my mom and aunt—is a year younger than I am and suffering a lifelong weight problem (he used to be a police officer, so he was arguably more athletic than me), and he experienced a heart attack last year. That was shocking enough when David told me about him, but even more shocking was what David said a few days later: my cousin had had a pacemaker put in. I imagined this meant his heart attack had been pretty severe. But in reading up superficially on the topic, I saw that some heart attacks can lead to arrhythmias, necessitating the installation of a pacemaker, so this may be less a question of severity and more a question of the type of heart attack involved. I need to contact my cousin and see how he's doing. I heard that his mother, my mom's older sister, was in her 90s and losing her marbles. David went down to Texas to see that branch of our family once, and she asked about Mom—who passed away in 2010—despite having spent years irrationally (or maybe rationally) hating Dad and resenting me for what happened to her little sister. (Dad and I had been most involved in Mom's treatment decisions.) I had thought about visiting Texas to mend fences with her, but she apparently had trouble recognizing David when he came to visit her. Old age is a sad thing, but I will say that this woman was driven, for most of her life, by anger and hatred toward so many people around her, including people who never deserved her ire.

David has gone walking with me these past few times. I do a single lap around the local park: it's all I can manage for the moment, but we're bumping up to two laps next week. Total distance is the track's 940-ish meters plus the walk to and from the park, so somewhere around 1.5K. David says I'm improving every time I walk, but from my perspective, I still feel tired and weak (and lazy). I know, from having seen myself in some of the tall mirrors and windows I pass, that I have the slumped-over posture of a man who's thirty years older. Once I'm allowed to get back into strength training, I'm going to have to correct that. For the moment, it's looking very doubtful that I'll be walking the Nakdong River this year, but never say never. Ask me again at the end of September.

I didn't have a coughing attack all of Friday (knock on wood), which could be a good sign. I did, however, buy a salad lunch and ate it before I realized I hadn't taken down my Friday numbers. Having broken that routine, I decided I'd just pick up again Saturday morning. For those worried that I'm fudging the numbers, take heart: remnants of the effects of the food on my blood sugar will carry over to the next day. So, tonight: pills, cough suppressants, and what will hopefully be a good night's sleep. My buddy Charles is coming by Saturday afternoon to cook a meal. That ought to be fun.

Sean and Jeff are safely back in their Chicago suburb, not far from Lake Michigan. I feel bad for having ruined their Europe trip, but Jeff mentioned that he was already getting tired of all the German cold cuts. (I had a Korean cousin who once made the same complaint. There is, however, much more to eat in Germany than just cold cuts once you venture beyond what Germans feed to tourists. I'm sure Jeff is aware of that; I'm not so sure about my Korean cousin. I used the stupid "all Korean food is red" argument to illustrate to my cousin how silly a narrow-minded point of view looks to people from the culture being critiqued. Did I mention I have a ton of Korean cousins?)

Presumably, the coming week will be the final week that David will be here. He seems happy with his new life out west. He lives in New Mexico at high altitude, so he enjoys plenty of skiing and hiking (he's lucky to have an athletic dog) and, I guess, mountain biking... but I'm not sure how much biking he does these days, given that he turns 48 this year. I'm thankful he decided to stick with me for a couple of weeks even if I don't see him much on any given day. Still, his presence is a comfort, and as I used say while Mom was sick with brain cancer, presence matters a lot more than a card or a "Gee, that's too bad" message sent by email or whatever. David and Sean were both there when I was unconscious and had tubes coming out of my mouth. They were there as I convalesced in my hospital room in the cardiac ward. Day by day, I seem to be stabilizing. Life is looking up.

More later.