It's April 20, so I'll first wish a Happy 420 to my pot-smoking contingent because God knows I've got a lot of stoners who read this blog to try and improve their grammar.*
But because it's April 20, this also means I need to get back to creating another month's (or two months') worth of content for Substack, as well as two weeks' content for YouTube. Joy. Luckily, content creation shouldn't be too difficult this time around: I'm in the middle of a quiz-making phase, so I'm making 60 quizzes to match the 60 units' worth of grammar curriculum I've developed. In other words, I'm publishing quiz announcements on Substack instead of putting out grammar units, which take a long time to write. Quiz announcements are easier. I will, of course, eventually get back to creating grammar units. The curriculum must continue! What all this means is, starting today, I'll be back to doing the following:
populating my blog with scheduled posts on YouTube
adding more "100 Below" short stories to Substack (out every Tues/Thu)
adding more games and puzzles (out every Wed)
adding more Bad Online English units (out every Mon/Fri)
thinking about adding photographic content (out every Tues/Thu)
thinking about adding cartoons and artwork (out every Tues/Thu)
I still haven't gotten to work on videos, but I promise: Those are coming.
All of this while trolling online for university work.
__________
*Some pedants will argue that try and should never be used: It's try to. But according to this respectable source, that's not true. The locution try and is acceptable. Don't overcorrect.
Click to read the full tweet, especially if you're old.
In 1979, a Harvard psychologist sent eight elderly men back in time and their bodies followed.
Back in the 1970s, psychologist @ellenjl ran one of the most provocative experiments in the history of psychology. She invited eight men in their late 70s and early 80s to spend a week… pic.twitter.com/s7Lgip6eJo
(a) A pox _____ upon your village. (indicative) (b) A pox _____ upon your village. (subjunctive)
REASONING: The indicative mood is for brute declarations of fact and opinion, so the question to ask yourself is: Which verbs convey the meaning of a brute declaration, like a factual sentence in a biography? The subjunctive mood, by contrast, is for things like wishes; necessity; and strong recommendations, suggestions, or proposals. So what fits?
1st possible answer: Yes. A pox was is a declaration of fact: This happened.
2nd possible answer: No. Were is a plural conjugation; pox is singular.
3rd possible answer: No. Be would make the first sentence subjunctive. Is would make the second sentence indicative. Exactly backward.
4th possible answer: Yes. A pox is is a declaration of fact: This is happening now. Be is used for the present subjunctive when making a wish or expressing a desire.
Part 5:
Question 1
Which, if any, are correct?
REASONING: This unit is largely about if-conditional sentences, which follow certain rules of tense and punctuation. Look at these sentences: If you do that again, I'll kill you. I'll kill you if you do that again. So if the if clause comes first, use a comma. If not, don't use a comma. In this particular example, note how the clause tenses go: (if) present → (main) future. Since you've obviously read the lesson (cough), you know there are, in fact, four situations when it comes to the tense grammar for if-conditional sentences:
Keep all of the above in mind.
1st possible answer: No. The semicolon ruins everything. It should be a comma.
2nd possible answer: Yes. Everything fits—punctuation, tense grammar, etc.
3rd possible answer: Yes. Everything fits—punctuation, tense grammar, etc.
4th possible answer: No. The if clause comes last, so there should be no comma.
So—good luck with the quizzes. You'll have noted that, every time the quizzes reset, you get different questions, and the positions of the answers to each question will also shift (which is possible because a given question might pop up again in a subsequent version of the quiz). I built this order-randomization into every quiz to prevent silly people from trying to memorize answer patterns instead of just studying and learning the old-school way. I also create three or four versions of each of the five quiz questions, and I also randomize the order in which the quiz questions appear; that's three levels of randomization. My ex-boss saw this randomization when he visited my place once, and he made a face as he realized the misanthropic degree of my mistrust of humanity. As always, the quiz questions are multiple choice but designed in such a way that random guessing generally won't give you a 25% probability of being accidentally correct: the probability is more like 1 out of 16.
I'll eventually be working on other types of question formats: fill in the blank, matching, sequencing, etc. Those formats will appear when I eventually start putting out tests. Oh, yes: test are coming. Those will be 20 questions apiece—a lot of work to create.
Over in an Instapundit Open Thread, I announced that Grammatical Mood, Part 3 (imperative mood) was now up and ready. Here's one reaction I got:
I need to go back to high school freshman Latin in order to answer those questions.
Or you could become a paying subscriber and read a lesson that prints out to only one or two pages, learn or relearn the material, and get a 95% or 100% on the quiz.
Think about the psychology: A person doesn't study the material but just takes the quiz and bombs it. This immediately puts the person into an "I can't do it" quitter's mindset, which is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. True, the quizzes are free and open to the public, so this invites random quiz-taking from passersby. To that extent, maybe it's my fault for just leaving these quizzes out there.
But by taking the quiz with no study, these people hope to accomplish... what, exactly? Are they measuring how much they remember from when they were in school (if so, a single quiz doesn't offer much data)? Are they doing the quiz just for a lark? I wouldn't blame the random quiz-takers if that was really their motivation, but what's frustrating is that, the moment I suggest subscribing and putting in the effort to learn/relearn the material, they shy away. And that's mostly a matter of laziness. If they're willing to pay five bucks for a slice of pizza per month, they've definitely got the funds to pay for a month's worth of lessons, so it's obviously more laziness than finances.*
The economic dynamic at work here is that most of these people will take the quizzes out of curiosity, then flit flightily away, onward to the next superficial distraction. But out of several hundred or several thousand of these hummingbirds who hover close, maybe one or two will decide to stick around and go deeper. I can't force anyone to do what I'd like them to do, and that's the nature of capitalism, at least at my level: It's about decisions and agreements. So I'm building my flower garden and hoping a lot more hummingbirds eventually come helicoptering my way.
Here's a sample question to ponder:
Question 2
Which, if any, are commands?
REASONING: The lesson this quiz refers to (see here if you're a paying subscriber) was about the imperative (command) mood. By the end of it, you ought to be able to recognize what a command is and why it's not the same as a statement in the indicative or subjunctive mood. You've learned that commands can begin with Please; they can also be one-word utterances that aren't verbs, such as Quiet! and Gently! Commands can be an imperious order, a suggestion, advice, or caution. The lesson teaches a few other things as well.
1st possible choice: Yes. Please stop indicates an imperative.
2nd possible choice: Yes. Advice beginning with Never + verb is in the imperative.
3rd possible choice: No. This is in the indicative mood, being a statement of fact (...is your choice).
4th possible choice: Yes. Cooking instructions are in the imperative, and this one is obviously verb-first.
Two more coming out later today.
__________
*So, the question of financial caution or even stinginess also comes up. While $5/month isn't expensive by any standard, a person who is already subscribed to various services can feel overwhelmed, "subscribed to death." I'm not a mind-reader, so I can't judge each person's individual situation, and frankly, I can relate to feeling overwhelmed. All I can do, then, is shrug at the ones who sniff and walk away; I then wait for the next prospective customer. (That said, I suspect there are a lot of lazy people who hide behind the "subscribed to death" rationale to avoid making any intellectual effort. Of course, I have no way to prove that.)
I hadn't gone out for a walk in a while, so today was the day to step out. We're now in the last half of April; the day was bright and sunny, and my walk went from 12:30 p.m. to 2:50 p.m., which is about a 4-kph pace. Not great, but not bad.
Spring in South Korea is always beautiful but short, and I can already tell that summer—which starts in May in Korea—is just around the corner. Today's high temp was around 26ºC, or 79ºF. While that's not extremely hot by any standard, it's a sure indication that summer, like a horror-movie monster, has already slipped its fingers through the space in the door and will soon be forcing its way in. All of this indoorsy toe-healing means I've basically missed the opportunity to walk during the waning coolness of spring, and today's session was enough to convince me that any further walks will be at night. I should do another nighttime 33K walk from Yangpyeong to Yeoju before things get too rainy.
Today's route was the typical one—9.5 or 10K out to the river and back. Lots of bikers, three or four of whom rudely strayed onto the pedestrian path (I'm not counting a father-son duo who biked onto the pedestrian path just to pull over and take a break; I don't mind that sort of thing at all). I didn't bother photographing any biker transgressions today; there seemed to be no point. But despite the heat, it was a beautiful day, and everyone I passed seemed happy. Spring has sprung! A few walkers and runners were also out, including several foreigners, one of whom was a slim, sleek white chick on rollerblades. I wanted to stop her and ask whether she'd ever rollerbladed along the Four Rivers path. In theory, she could easily do the whole thing in under a week given how fit she looked and how fast people can be on rollerblades. 20 kph for eight hours = 160 km per day. The Four Rivers trail is only 633 km. Four days if she can maintain that pace and tackle those occasional big hills.
With the sun shining so brightly, I was happy to be wearing my black, long-sleeved Under Armour shirt, which I now use instead of toshi (arm-protecting sleevelets mainly for bikers but also useful for us walkers). There was plenty of under-the-bridge shade along the way, though, so I didn't get sunburned. I was able to do the walk out and back without experiencing any angina, but by the end, my blood-sugar level was still frustratingly high at 138.
I wasn't really in a picture-taking mood, but I did snap a few shots. Enjoy the humble photo essay below.
Top of the berm that parallels the Tan Creek. Can you see the fluffy white seeds wafting in the air?
lower left: fluffy white seeds, out of focus
fluff on the ground
Anyone know which plant these seeds come from? Interesting to think in terms of parallel evolution since dandelions do roughly the same thing to spread their seeds.
Jamshil in the distance
'tis the season for the gawky birds (egret, heron, stork, whatever)
I'm surprised it let me photograph it. Most of these birds are skittish and fly away when you stop moving.
returning home—a different view of the Yangjae Creek, which flows into the Tan
I was having trouble remembering which trees got cut down. Which trees had such thick boles?
I'm still trying to understand why some arboreal cross-sections look flat while others don't.
This one in particular fascinated me. What species of tree was this?
Really looking at the curling paint for the first time.
AI tells me this is a flowering quince. Do you trust AI?
My toe is still a problem, but it's good enough for me to start doing these walks again.
Once the random bits of metal get melted down and turned into a block, the process is all the same, it seems to me. Whether it's "sword from a rusty clain" or "hammer from random cutlery" or "silverware from Auschwitz rings" (okay, maybe not that last one), once everything's been melted and turned into a block, there's really nothing new to see. But I still watch because, well, forging stuff (and sharpening it, and buffing it) is cool.
Having gotten through quizzes for verbs and verb tenses, I am now turning my attention to—gasp—grammatical mood. The first two quizzes of a six-unit section are now done: Mood, Part 1 and Mood, Part 2. Below are sample questions, one from each quiz.
From Grammatical Mood, Part 1:
Question 5
The five grammatical moods are:
REASONING: The relevant lesson (which is for paying subscribers—Grammatical Mood: Intro + Indicative Mood) starts with an overview of the five main grammatical moods, so at this point, you either know them or you don't.
1st possible answer: Yes. These are the five moods. Note that conditional is both a tense and a mood. As a tense, it's the would tense, often referring to a hypothetical, unreal, or imagined future: I would tap dat ass. As a mood, it refers to if-then sentences (NB: The subordinating conjunction doesn't have to be just if—it can also be when, as in When the wolves howl, my scrote howls in response.), i.e., sentences that show how effect Y proceeds from cause X.
2nd possible answer: No. The word modal has appeared in my lessons in the context of modal auxiliaries. The word palliative is used in the field of medicine to refer to the easing of pain and suffering, usually via drugs. So palliative has no place in a grammar lesson. If you thought illustrative was a mood, then you really weren't paying attention. And demonstrative adjectives appear in the adjectives unit (Adjectives, Part 5).
3rd possible answer: No. While indicative and subjunctive are indeed moods, there's no such thing as an ordinative mood, and conditioned is just wrong: There's a conditional mood. This answer is designed to see if you're a random-guessing moron.
4th possible answer: No. We use declarative in contradistinction to interrogative, but declarative isn't a mood the way indicative is. The other words are all bullshit terms except, of course, for imperative and conditional. If this answer seduced you, I hope you feel shame.
From Grammatical Mood, Part 2:
Question 2
The question “How long are you planning to hack up centipedes?”...
REASONING: Hack up in the sense of cough up, not chop up. This unit explicitly discusses how Wh- questions (which include How... questions) are basically yes/no questions with a Wh- element tacked on. Example: For a question like Why did you do that?, if I strip off the Why, I'm left with the yes/no question Did you do that?
1st possible answer: No. If you remove the How long, you're left with Are you planning to hack up centipedes?, which is a yes/no question. See more below.
2nd possible answer: Yes. As explained above (see the brief parenthetical in the REASONING section). How... questions (i.e., questions beginning with How, How much, How long, How many, How often, etc.) are basically Wh- questions. Think of it this way: The word How contains both a "w" and an "h." (Being a Yank, I say an "h" because I don't pronounce H as "haitch" the way some people in the British Isles do.)
3rd possible answer: No. An example of a choice/oprion/alternative question would be Eddie Izzard's Cake or death? That not the type of question shown.
4th possible answer: Yes. As explained above. How long are you planning to hack up centipedes? becomes Are you planning to hack up centipedes?—a yes/no question—once you remove the How long.
Korean jurisprudence is pretty limp-wristed. Johnny Somali's minimum sentence, according to LegalMindset's assessment of the law, should have been four years. The prosecution, also modest, was asking for only three years (confused? welcome to Korea!). The final sentencing, though, was for only six months, and we all know that Somali will leave prison with a huge, obnoxious, unrepentant smile on his face. The prosecution has seven days to appeal the sentence and request more jail time, and that may be happening. Watch the video below for details. I'd recommend a good ten years, but Somali will never get that. Two or three years at most. No one will be taught any lessons.
Just got news from my brother David that my aunt's health is going downhill, and she'll be gone in a matter of days. While I'd like to visit her, I don't know if I have the funds to cover such a visit (she's in Texas).
This aunt is my mom's big sister, so we've always called her by her Korean title, Emo or Imo (이모). So for the moment, it's just a matter of waiting for the news of her passing.
I deleted my Blogger "followers" list from my blog's sidebar long ago—not that anyone would have noticed since no one bothers with sidebars. But the list still exists "inside" of my blog's editing tools as something that I can re-display if I ever decide to. I was looking over that list a few minutes ago and noticing all of the dead people on it—people who had listed themselves as followers of the blog, but who have since passed on. Out of 33 followers (i.e., not many), three of them—1 out of 11— are dead. And I can't quite bring myself to remove their names from the list. What's funny is that, in every case, these are people I'd never met in person.
Tribalism is on the rise while classical liberalism is on the wane. Given this fact, does it make sense to admit into one’s country ever more different tribes? A piety oft-intoned by leftists is that diversity is our strength. An Orwellianism, that, if tribal diversity is at issue. For that would amount to the absurdity that the more domestic strife [there is], the stronger we become. It is plain, after all, that different tribes do not like each other, and do not see themselves in the other. Tribal identification is other-exclusive. There is no comity without commonality.
I am against tribal identification. I realize, however, that I am sawing against the grain of the crooked timber of humanity. People will continue to identify themselves as members of groups. Classically liberal ideals such as toleration are no match for the ingrained tendency to revert to the tribal. So the realist in me says that immigration policy must favor those who are assimilable to our values and principles and must exclude those who aren’t.
Add enough meatballs to your salad, and it's no longer salad.
(Also: Did you spot the error in the lower half of the first paragraph?)
The quiz for Verb Tenses, Part 4is now done. Go see for yourself. Verb Tenses, Part 5is also now done. Here are sample questions, one from each quiz, with reasoning laid out.
From Part 4 first:
Question 3
Before my best friend died,
REASONING: Part 4 is about tense contrasts. Before my best friend died refers to an event in the past and hints (through the word "Before") that another past event happened before the death, so while my best friend died is in the preterite (simple-past or past-simple) tense, we're looking for the past-perfect tense, i.e. had + past participle—the tense used for past events that come before other past events. Do you see it among the answer selections?
1st possible answer: No. The phrase will have had is in the future-perfect tense, which is used for completed actions in the future.
2nd possible answer: No. The phrase have forgiven is in the present-perfect tense, which is also the wrong tense. Not what we're looking for.
3rd possible answer: Yes. The phrase had given is in the past-perfect tense. It's called PAST perfect because the helping verb have is in the past tense (had).
4th possible answer: Yes. Again, had lost is in the past-perfect tense. Both of these answers are therefore correct. Check two boxes and move on.
From Part 5 next:
Question 5
By number, identify the independent clauses in the following sentence. (1) Before you were born, (2) your dad and I talked about naming you Augustus, but (3) after we stopped laughing, (4) we both agreed (5) that it would be a pretentious name for you.
REASONING: If you've been a lazy shit and still can't recognize what a clause is, this question will be impossible for you. Not only must you know what a clause is, you must also know what an independent clause is. A clause is a group of words with a subject and a related predicate (predicate = verb + the rest of the sentence). Luckily for us, the hard work of identifying all of the clauses is already done: They're all numbered. Which means we need to know what an independent clause is. An independent clause is a clause that can stand on its own (i.e., independently, hence the name). It's a complete idea in and of itself even if it's part of a larger sentence. If I write Glenn sharted, you already have a clear idea of the action and a sense of clear-cut completeness. But if I wrote When Glenn sharted, you're left hanging, wondering what happens next. The When makes the clause dependent, i.e., it depends on an independent clause to complete the thought. The When is what we call a subordinating conjunction. Other subordinating conjunctions are if, before, after, although, unless, etc. So—dependent clauses are introduced by subordinating conjunctions. Independent clauses don't have a subordinating conjunction. So let's look at the clauses one by one:
(1) Before you were born—I see a Before there. Subordinating conjunction, so this is a dependent (or subordinate) clause. The question is asking us to look for independent clauses.
(2) your dad and I talked—No conjunction, so this is an independent clause.
(3) after we stopped laughing—After is a subordinating conjunction. This is therefore a dependent clause.
(4) we both agreed—No subordinating conjunction, so: independent.
(5) that it would be—The that is a subordinating conjunction. Dependent clause.
So...
1st possible answer: Wrong. 4 works, but 3 doesn't.
2nd possible answer: Wrong. 2 works, but 3 doesn't (as above).
3rd possible answer: Wrong. Neither works because both have subordinating conjunctions (before, that). That leaves us with only one possibility...
4th possible answer: Right. Neither of these clauses has a subordinating conjunction, so they're both independent clauses.
Which of the clauses below is/are independent (able to stand alone)?
she ruined her life with drugs
shit was flying everywhere
before the meteoroid made its final approach
as Biting Sylvia has requested
would hippos actually do that
as long as you remain my bitch
he avidly licked the sauce off his plate
once the foul work was done
until the dirty job was finished
Can you figure it out? I've only written about this same topic a gazillion times.
I've done some dumb things in my life, and I still do dumb things, but I at least know how to behave around cops. If a cop has been having a bad day, you really, really don't want to piss him off further. Watch the classic Chris Rock video on how to behave in front of the police if you still don't get it. Save yourself an ass-kicking, jail, or ventilation-by-firearm.
Well! I guess that means my paying-subscriber roll has grown by 33.333%! I feel guilty about how it happened, though: I had mentioned my Substack in an email to a former student as part of Stuff I've Been Doing Over the Past Year, and I insisted that I wasn't trying to sell him on anything... yet he subscribed anyway. I then apologized for the vulgar, immature, un-PC nature of my humor (which I hadn't exposed him to back when I was his teacher), but since he now reads this blog on occasion and hasn't been driven away by its content, then I guess he'll be fine with my Substack content.
Well, South Korea chose not to take the strict route, thus opening up the door for more nuisance streamers to come into the country and spread mayhem. Great job, South Korea! Johnny Somali (real name: Ramsey Khalid Ismael) was sentenced to only six months' prison plus a little extra. He's been branded a sex offender, a label he probably has to carry back with him to America. I imagine that, as with Vitaly and his short sentence, Somali will emerge happy and unrepentant, and I can absolutely see him coming back to Korea to taunt the populace once again. He should've gotten at least ten years. Win this fight and all of the future fights. Instead, he's getting a bit more than half a year. Legal Mindset hasn't put up his assessment yet, but here's Atozy's:
Then there's this American fuckhead in Japan:
🇯🇵 A tourist from New York was captured spray painting graffiti in Shimokitazawa, Tokyo. This type of behavior should get you immediately deported from Japan. pic.twitter.com/uOpRcWowEV
— 鈴森はるか 『haruka suzumori』 🇯🇵 (@harukaawake) April 14, 2026
I saw the above embedded tweet at ROK Drop, with the title "Make Caning Great Again." I don't think modern Japan has a history of caning vandals (does it?), but I agree with the basic sentiment. If you go to a foreign country for the purpose of fucking things up, you should be fucked up by that country before you get sent back, minus a couple limbs, to whatever shithole—American or otherwise—you came from.
Toe wound! There's still a lot of weeping going on, but I think I can try walking my 9.5K route as of this weekend. Once I start walking again, I believe healing can continue as long as I do my Epsom-salt soaks more often (lately, it's been about once per week). I've switched from applying iodine to the toe wound to just using my good ol' first-aid cream. This wound is taking longer to heal than my previous wound in 2024, which was arguably worse. I'm guessing this is because I didn't bother seeing the doc this time and getting my usual complement of antibiotics. Not that it matters now: I'm past the danger zone for infection.
April 13, 3:53 p.m. and looking a lot better than last month
As for long walks: I've decided to wait until fall to try the route again. I need to do some serious rethinking and research to re-plot the route. As to when in the fall the walk might happen... I don't know. If I've got a university job by that point, I'll have to work around whatever my schedule is. Whatever the case, the walk will happen in the fall.
(This post is also up at Kevin's Walk 10, this year's walk blog, which I'll be reusing in the fall instead of creating a new blog and tee shirt.)
I should ask my UK friends what they think, but from where I sit, this guy's good—an American who can legitimately sound British, and not just generically British (if such a thing exists and isn't offensive), but British with a specfic accent (just don't ask me which accent it is). Would my UK peeps agree, or is he just another American poser?
Name the verb tense seen in the following sentence: Next year, we will have been camping in these bear-infested woods for five years straight.
REASONING: The relevant verb is will have been camping (from to camp). You know that perfect tenses have some form of the auxiliary have, and you can see that have is in the future tense—will have. And progressives have some form of be + verbs with -ing. So this is the future-perfect progressive. But wait—the progressive is also called the continuous.
1st possible answer: No. The simple-future progressive is will be camping.
2nd possible answer: Yes. As reasoned above.
3rd possible answer: No. That would be would have been camping.
4th possible answer: Yes. Because progressive and continuous are two names for the same aspect.
Ramsey Khalid Ismael, a.k.a. Johnny Somali, gets his dumb ass sentenced tomorrow. I hope he gets at least the minimum of three years, but I really hope he gets ten years for his lack of remorse, his constant and consistent anti-Korean racism, and for just being an asshole (the maximum possible in his case is twelve years, but it's doubtful he'll get the maximum).
Sentencing him for a long time sends a message to other obnoxious streamers that Korea will not tolerate such behavior. As Ender says in Ender's Game, he brutally beat the bully not just to win that fight but to win all of the future fights, too. The Korean justice system needs to show some backbone and sentence this shit for a decade as a message to future nuisance streamers. Even that won't be enough, frankly. Guys like Somali (who isn't really Somali) never really learn. Fifty years might be enough to take the sap out of him.
If it were up to me, I'd burn off his hands and feet, burn his face, break his shins, break his knees, cut out his tongue, remove his eyes, remove his nose, remove his dick, then keep him in prison until he either dies of infection or somehow heals from his "treatment." After he heals: Release him back into Korean society with the injunction that no one is to help him get out of Korea. He can figure it out on his own.
Good thing it's not up to me.
Something like this might be nice. And no medical help after it's done. Heal on your own.
Tasty Grammar is the general site—the front door, if you will. The Superficial is the free site. The Profound is the paid site, with in-depth content and an actual curriculum. The Creative is where you'll find essays, poems, and images. The Entertaining is where you'll find games and puzzles. Test Central isn't a Substack site, but it's where the in-depth quizzes, tests, answers, and explanations can be found. More Substacks to come as I develop new courses and keep adding features! Check back.
WHAT CORN AND PEANUTS ARE HIDDEN IN THE WARM AND STEAMING PILE? Vapid cultural commentary, pungent reviews, sundry Korea-related musings, fartological/scatological humor, political flatulence, and nondualistic Zen excretions in prose or poetry form.
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