Saturday, November 26, 2011

apologies to Hahna

No pics of yesterday's meal, alas; by the time we tucked in at 5PM, the light was waning, and my living room light is too weak for a good photo. But the menu was:


lame baguette from Food Lion
Wegmans triple-creme Brie (far too awesome for that baguette)
Wegmans Alpine cheese (courtesy of Dr. Steve)
chocolate-covered marzipan (courtesy of Dr. Steve-- more on this in a moment)


Gosling's All Natural Ginger Beer (courtesy of Dr. Steve)


stuffing (cornbread, corn, and sausage)
carrot and raisin salad
mashed potatoes (cream, cream cheese, butter, light herbs and seasonings)
honey-baked sweet potatoes (Food Network recipe-- from crazy-eyed Ellie Krieger)
cranberry sauce (homemade)


Wegmans apple pie (also courtesy of Dr. Steve)


a can of Chinese eel (!!)
Wegmans Australian-style Red Twists (better than regular Twizzlers)
Hapi brand hot wasabi peas
Landsberg Hazelnut Chocolate Spread
Wegmans Cranberry Walnut Loaf
Old Dominion Butter Peanut Crunch (i.e., peanut brittle)
Wegmans Classic Entertainment Crackers (butter-crackers-- amazing)
Wegmans Jumbo Roasted Cashews

(all the above courtesy of... you know)

And now a story. It goes like this:

Dr. Steve arrives on Thanksgiving afternoon and unpacks this monstrous load of food. A portion of it is going to his aunt, whom he's visiting the following day, but he wants the bulk of the food to remain here with me. He unloads item after item, and at one point he pulls out this foil-wrapped, dildo-shaped object and claims it's "chocolate-covered Marmite." My mind is going Whafuck? but I roll with it, thinking this must be some perverse item you can only find at Wegmans. We start snacking on the baguette and cheeses; Dr. Steve asks whether I want to try any of his licorice; I say, "No, but I think I want to try that chocolate-covered Marmite first because I don't want to end dinner on a nasty note." Dr. Steve's a good sport and he laughs; he opens the chocolate package up and it still looks like a dildo. I take a knife and stare at the dildo as if it represented the greatest challenge I've ever faced-- and truth be told, I'm really not looking forward to eating Marmite-- let alone chocolate-covered Marmite.

"I've never seen you get so worked up about a food item," Dr. Steve observes with wry amusement.

I cut into the object...

...and the first thing I notice is that this isn't Marmite: it's off-white and is the consistency of...

"This looks like marzipan," I say.

Dr. Steve goes, "Oh, right-- that's what it is!"

All that drama for nothing.

What I learn from this is that I can trust my buddy when I need an explanation of the murkier aspects of poststructuralism, but I should fact-check everything he says about food.



hahnak said...

dang, yall had a good time i see! what have i learned from this? i think i need to make friends with dr steve!!! either that or be his aunt.

(dr steve doesnt know what marmite is?)

hahnak said...

also no apologies necessary. nothing is ever demanded!

it sounds like it was a good time! im also glad to be your friend, kevin! happy thanksgiving!

Malcolm Pollack said...

I love Marmite. Grew up on the stuff.

Kevin Kim said...


Blech. It's definitely an acquired taste, as with so many foods. I love kimchi, but I know people who can't get past the fart smell of truly ripe kimchi (the best kind, in my opinion!).

You'll be happy to know-- or you may know already-- that chocolate Marmite bars already exist. God save us.


Thanks for the kind words. Once I started explaining to Dr. Steve what marzipan was, he realized that he already knew about it.