Friday, November 11, 2011

the most wonderful time of the year

November 11, 2011: a.k.a. Eleven-eleven-eleven-- the biggest, bestest Pepero Day of them all.

What is Pepero? you ask. It's many things, but one thing it's not is peppery. Pepero has nothing to do with peppers... unless some evil genius has managed to create a chili-flavored Pepero stick.

Pepero is the Korean brand name for a snack found all over the world. Most people think of it as something like a chocolate-dipped pretzel stick or stick-shaped cracker, but I know it for what it is: the unholy union between Santa's tongue depressor and an elf's peanut-encrusted asshole. That, friends, was the first-ever Pepero, and the rest is history.

On Pepero Day, your every wish will come true, no matter how ridiculous. Wish for a five-hour orgasm, and bliss will be yours as you ejaculate until your scrotum and balls get sucked inside your abdomen and squirt out your urethra.* Wish for an apodictic impossibility, like 2 + 2 equaling five, and watch the laws of physics dance at your whim for a day. Wish for a world of edible poop, then traipse through a verdant pasture while eating steak-and-blowjob-flavored cow patties.

Pious Pepero devotees know that there can be only one 11-11-11 this century. On this most sacred of days, the Pepero god will rise out of the ground like an enormous Sivalinga, spouting megatons of cream into the sky and fertilizing the earth-yoni with its potency. There in that holy rain we shall all stand, Pepero sticks jammed into every fat roll and orifice, making our wishes and welcoming the appearance of our deity.

Happy Pepero Day to you all! TO YOU ALL!

*That's just the first hour. Gasp with joy as your entire body gets ejaculated through your penis over the remaining four hours!

Previous tributes to Pepero Day:



No comments: