almost poisoned myself

As if eating rotten soup weren't enough, I almost poisoned myself this past Saturday: I went to the local No Brand store to bulk-buy some No Brand cola, which has a bit more than half the sugar of regular Coke (22 g versus 39 g per 355 ml) but is somehow just as good. I bought five six-packs to last me through the end of this austerity period and walked the heavy load up the street to my office. I plopped down in my office chair, cracked open one of the cans (because why not?), sucked it down, and cracked open another.

Spat out the first mouthful.

An evil chemical smell issued from the can, and a nasty chemical taste invaded my mouth. The chemical seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it. Vaguely bleach-like. I fumbled around my desk until my hand grasped my Mason-jar-with-handle, which I use for drinking tea and water, and I spat the foul liquid into the mug, then spat a few more times to get that unspeakable taste out of my mouth. Unable to help myself, I sniffed the cola can a few more times, thanking Cthulhu that I hadn't swallowed, but worried that I might have absorbed something deadly through my intraoral soft tissues.

For a while, I simply sat and quietly contemplated the situation. It was like the bad-luck version of hitting the jackpot: I had somehow found the one can to come out of the manufacturing plant that had been contaminated with God-knows-what. And only after drinking two cans of soda! This made me paranoid because, in my irrational mind, I now had a 50% chance of drinking tainted cola. Every can was a mine in a minefield. As time passed, I let my inner Spock speak logic to the gibbering-simian part of my brain, and then I calmly took hold of a third can of cola, cracked it open, sniffed cautiously, and drank.

No problem.

This act did much to allay my fears, and today (Monday), I've had a few more cans of cola with no hint of extra chemicals. I'm hoping we're in the clear, but just in case, I'm now sniffing each can as soon as I open it.