Somewhere in space, aboard his massive star destroyer, Darth Vader is Force-strangling the entire Seattle Seahawks team.
"You had one mission—only one," the Dark Lord rumbles angrily as the footballers drop to their knees, hands protectively at their throats as they struggle for breath. "Yet you failed."
One by one, the footballers give up the ghost, their eyes rolling back into their heads, their tongues lolling stupidly as the life whispers out of them.
Back on Earth, Lance Armstrong is shaking his head in wonder.
How could a bunch of cheaters win the Super Bowl? is the question echoing repeatedly inside his head. Cheating is wrong... so wrong.
Outside of Lance's den, his eight-year-old can hear the muffled sound of her father weeping.
Weeping about inadequate balls and injustice.