Monday, December 19, 2011

apps for all seasons

I recently read an article about the popularity of a smart-phone app called "I Just Made Love." The idea seems to be that you triumphantly broadcast the fact that you've completed a zesty session with your squeeze-- including data about your location:

Sharing apps such as Foursquare already let us share where we eat, drink and shop.

Now 'I Just Made Love' lets you log and GPS-tag your private life in just the same way - and, bizarrely, some people seem to want to.

The Android app has been downloaded 10,000 times, and rated five stars by dozens of users.

'Did you just make love? Or just want to check where people near you made love?' says the app.

'I just made love lets you do all that and more!'

The Android - and now iPhone - app lets you record where, when and even in what position you 'made love' - and then upload it to an online database - with your comments.


The app is free, earning its money via advertising.

The I Just Made Love site claims to have recorded 193,000 'acts of love', along with where the event occurred and a limited amount of context - very limited, in fact, offering only the options of Inside, Outdoors, In a Car and On a Boat.

Most of the posts via the site so far seem to be in Polish - with only isolated instances of lovemaking in other countries.

One brave soul (male, on a sofa) even logged an act of love from Iran - although he declined to comment.

Tech site The Register pointed out that as the app is anonymous, posting lovemaking statistics on a version of Google Maps, its impossible to verify, or even challenge anything posted via the app.

'I Just Made Love lets one brag without the fear that someone who knows better will pointing out that one apparently managed it without company,' the site wrote. 'What is clear, and at risk of quoting Tina Turner, is that love has nothing whatsoever to do with it.'

The most obvious response to this nonsense would be an "I Just Took a Massive Dump" app. But what about some others? I propose the following.

For high schoolers:

1. I Just Cheated on That Test
2. I Just Came Home from Stalking Her
3. I Just Stared at a Fat Ass for Five Minutes
4. I Just Drank Illegally Again
5. I Just Broke Up and am Now Available
6. I Just Popped a Massive Zit
7. I Just Lost My Virginity
8. I Just Videoed a Fight at a McDonald's

For college students:

1. I Just Ordered Pizza! Hells, yeah!
2. I Just Fucked My Professor
3. I Just Shat On a Car
4. I Just Sucked a Massive Tit
5. I Just Discovered a Rash and Swore Off Sex
6. I Just Vomited Spectacularly
7. I Just Woke Up Somewhere Unknown to Me (GPS tracking for Walk of Shame)
8. I Just Flashed a Flash Mob

For young graduates:

1. I Just Bombed my Job Interview
2. I Just Found Out I'm Gonna Be a Parent
3. I Just Found Out My Father is Gay
4. I Just Ate a Pet to Reduce Food Budget
5. I Just Bought a Shitty Car
6. I Just Realized I'm On My Own
7. I Just Ate Teenage Pussy

I'm sure you can think of others.


1 comment:

  1. My contribution to the list:

    1. I just received accidental buttsex.
    2. It's all fun and games until assblood is involved.
    3. I just ate some crispy bacon!
    4. I just had impure thoughts (about Kevin)! *Note: blame this one on the use of your word "zesty."
    5. I just used (fill in name of item here) as a buttplug!



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