Thursday, October 07, 2004

Presidential Debate 2: Star Wars-style

It's JFK vs. GWB. The topic is Iraqi insurgency.

JFK: What of the reports of the rebel fleet massing near Sullust?

GWB: It is no concern. Soon the rebellion will be crushed.

JFK: Always in motion is the future. I feel the good in you, the conflict.

GWB: (bristling; dons a billowing black cape) There is no conflict.

JFK: (donning his own, shorter, black cape) This contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of the Force... but by our skills with a lightsaber.

(Sabers are drawn; furious-but-inconclusive battle occurs, perhaps with minor, non-life-threatening amputations. Somehow, GWB gets the better of JFK and ends up standing over him.)

GWB: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. See through you, we can!

JFK: You are impossible.

GWB: (self-satisfied chuckle) That is why you fail.

JFK: (suddenly weeping) How am I to tell the good side from the bad?

GWB: You will know when you are calm, at peace, passive. Clear your mind of questions.

JFK: (does a series of impossibly acrobatic flips and whirls, and ends up getting out from under GWB's lightsaber) Never!

GWB: Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side!

JFK: (suddenly furious and emitting lightning) You will pay the price for your lack of vision!

GWB: (turning to GHWB) Father! Father, please!

JFK: (cackling) There is no spoon!

(At this point, I change the channel.)


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