For a guy who hasn't gone out with anyone since, oh, 2016, I seem to be pretty interested in these videos about relationships. Here's another one about predicting divorce:
And here's a cute one whose punchline I spotted from a mile away:
Regarding that second video: my mother, a stereotypically blunt-spoken Korean ajumma, said something like that to me once. We were once again on the subject of my weight, and Mom said (this is not an exact quotation, but more the spirit of what she said), "Think about it. Do you want to go out with a fat girl? Someone who doesn't take care of herself? So why should a girl want to go out with a fat guy?" It hurt to hear, but I could sense the truth in Mom's words.
I know the American response to this can vary, with a lot of Americans cleaving to the mythology of, "Well you just gotta see deeper and not be so superficial." But from the point of view of evolutionary psychology, we are indeed wired to look for reproductive fitness in its various forms. True: reproductive fitness might not be physical: having money, for instance, could be a sign of such fitness because it means you can provide a nest egg. Some women (maybe a lot of women) respond to that. But more often than not, women are looking to see whether a guy takes care of himself, and a guy who doesn't is lower on the totem pole, so he'd better have some other tricks up his sleeve if he wants to catch himself a funny little honey. Or he'd better reconcile himself to being with women who have low standards.*
Maybe out of stubbornness, but more likely out of laziness, I still can't say I've internalized Mom's lesson. I'm currently reading Atomic Habits, the faddish book that made a splash back in 2018. From what I can see, the book essentially preaches the ancient wisdom that you are the sum of your choices, and altering your choices by even 1%—not just once but repeatedly—can be enough to change the course of your life. It's a good, commonsense message—not particularly deep or revolutionary, but I can appreciate the message's foundational wisdom. If I'm fat, well, I brought myself to this pass. Sure, there are factors outside of my control, but more important, there are factors within my control, so there's no escaping blame for my current predicament. If I want the ideal woman, I have to work on myself.
>David Goggins has entered the chat.
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*And yes, he could be lucky enough to end up with a woman who does indeed see past the surface to his lovely soul. And a guy could find himself with a physical 2 who happens to be a spiritual 10. Such scenarios are as rare as unicorn farts (as Dr. House said, describing the usual situation: "4s go with 4s; 9s go with 9s"), but they can occur. Just don't bet all your money on being in that fortunate situation. Make your own luck.
I'm also aware that there are other factors at play than the merely biological. I talked about this recently: a woman can be physically beautiful but a real bitch, and a man can be hot but a real dick. Character matters, and you could conceivably make an argument that character counts in the assessment of a person's reproductive fitness. Would you rather breed with a 10 who's an asshole and have asshole children, or would you rather be with a kind, honest 7 and have awesome kids? (Yes, I know genetics doesn't always work that way.)
To me, one of the big differences here in the Philippines is what women find attractive (or at least the kind of women I tend to meet)--American gals want a young, handsome, stud-looking guy. Many Filipinas prefer a large bulge in the pants (a full wallet). "Age is just a number" is something I hear on a daily basis. It seems to me that the Filipina attitude is the more practical--good looks don't put food on the table; a "rich" old man can.
ReplyDeleteI suspect you've got a lot of gold diggers in the PI. Which makes Pinays not that much different from Western chicks like, say, Anna Nicole Smith.
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