Wednesday, March 15, 2006

baseball and Chef

Bloggers seem to be talking about two things right now: (1) the US's defeat at the hands of South Korea in baseball, and (2) the defection of Isaac Hayes (the voice of Chef) from the beloved "South Park" series.

I don't have much to say about (1) except "Congratulations, South Korea!" Like the Nomad and others, I do have to wonder why we pay our professionals the big bucks if they only plan to slurp donkey dick at crucial moments. Not having seen any of the games myself, I'll just have to trust the bloggers who say that the Koreans played great ball. An American buddy of mine who's a big fan of Korean baseball must be beside himself with glee: this is a bit like David trouncing Goliath.

As for (2)... it appears that Isaac Hayes is a Scientologist, and he apparently wasn't happy about a recent "South Park" episode that raked Scientology over the coals. Bloggers are pointing out Hayes's hypocrisy in speaking out against such parodies only now, after the series has spent years mocking various forms of religious piety.

I agree that this is hypocritical of Hayes, but I should also point out that Hayes might not be acting under his own volition: Scientology is a scary beast that doesn't tolerate even the appearance of disloyalty. Hayes probably had little choice but to say what he said and bugger out. It's a bit sad, really: what the hell else has Hayes done in recent years that comes anywhere near the significance of his role as the hot-lovin', child-protectin' Chef? Where will he go now? He certainly doesn't have a future in envelope-pushing comedy.

You might argue that Hayes is a big boy who could simply renounce his religion (if my speculation about his being pressured to quit is correct). True, he is a big boy, but this wouldn't make quitting easy: it'd be a bit like renouncing one's allegiance to the Mafia, and might have similar consequences. So while I'm not impressed with Hayes's arguments for leaving, I do think there's more going on than meets the eye, and it's probably of a sinister nature, given the pile of reports about Scientology's inner workings. Hidden somewhere inside my scorn is a nugget of sympathy for the guy.

In the meantime, I think the creators of "South Park" summed it up well when they blasted Hayes:

"South Park" co-creator Matt Stone responded sharply in an interview with The Associated Press Monday, saying, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem — and he's cashed plenty of checks — with our show making fun of Christians."

Nature abhors a vacuum. Who will replace Chef? Will Trey Parker and Matt Stone apply some affirmative action to the problem and insist on hiring a racial minority? Will they push the PC envelope further and hire a white dude to sport an ethnic accent? Or: will they finally follow my suggestion to hire James Earl Jones as voice talent?

(link found at Naked Villainy)



  1. Baseball is crap.

    So is scientology...

  2. See, I'd support someone's devotion to Scientology, IF it weren't for that pesky mind control crap they do. Similarly, a "yoga clinic" near me is a front for another mind controlling group, Dahnhak or "Dahn Yoga." I'm always in hypervigilant mode when it comes to "safe havens."

    I think James Earl Jones would be a fabulous replacement... of course there can only be ONE "Cheffie"...



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