Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Japan's future custodians

No, it won't be a Western-style R. Daneel Olivaw, Isaac Asimov fans: it appears that East Asia is taking the lead when it comes to indulging the human urge to anthropomorphize. A recent article notes that Japanese scientists are developing a humanoid caretaker robot that will act as a custodian for the elderly.

To my mind, it's a short leap from "humanoid caretaker for the elderly" to...

RoboMiddleSchoolGirl: Humanoid Caretaker for Your Diddle!

I imagine that sex with a robot would be a glorified version of sex with an inflatable doll. It would include many of the same risks, too. For example: disease. While a robot might be inorganic, its crevices could easily contain emissions from previous customers, a cybernetic analog to "sloppy seconds."

Some risks would be unique to robot sex. Example: for anyone with castration anxiety, the principal worry would be a misfire of the female robot's orgasm algorithm. Imagine a robo-cooter clamping down on your johnson with the force of a trash compactor. Another worry would be accidental rippage because of an electrical surge during a handjob. Or a robot whose brain confuses "stroke" with "punch."

I wish the Japanese luck as they continue their improvements. The bots they will eventually design to take care of elderly Americans (the tech will be developed just in time to wipe the asses of senescent Baby Boomers) will doubtless have to be able to handle 600-pound people on a routine basis. They'll also have to be capable of defending themselves against graffiti artists and other pranksters, not to mention old folks who manifest violent tendencies and hide guns all over the house.

I'll be curious to see how all this pans out in the coming decades, especially as I near the age where I, too, will need my own inhuman caretaker. (Currently, such caretakers are referred to as "children.")



Anonymous said...

You are one sick cookie, my friend.

Kevin Kim said...

Thank you.