Friday, January 25, 2013

nuisance bleeding

I didn't even know that "nuisance bleeding" was an actual term, but apparently it is.

I'm a nuisance bleeder. I bleed from all sorts of random spots on my body-- tiny bleeds whose origins remain a mystery. I often wonder whether the bleeds result from my zealous daily consumption of aspirin (four tablets a day), which can act as a blood-thinner. Today, I blew my nose to rather scarlet results, so I can add nosebleeds to my long list of nuisance bleeds. Most of my exsanguinary incidents occur on my forearms, my thighs, my back, my ass, or my calves. A rare few occur in the dark, cavernous regions where Shelob makes her fetid home.

Nuisance bleeding is a huge inconvenience because it means I have to take special care of a certain article of clothing, or I have to clean up a droplet of blood that's mysteriously appeared on the carpet, or I have to use a spray-cleaner to scrub down a piece of furniture onto which I'm losing blood.

More than anything else, these bleeds are annoying-- hence the term nuisance. They certainly aren't painful: most of the time, I have no idea why they even start. One bleed happened, just recently, above my right eye, in the hollow where the upper orbit and the bridge of my nose meet. I don't recall scratching myself there, or poking myself with a pin, so what gives?

Maybe it's aliens. Aliens having a little fun. Maybe they're sampling my DNA and constructing an army of Kevins therefrom.



Bratfink said...

Why are you eating so much aspirin?

Kevin Kim said...

Just lucky, I guess.

Maven said...

For the nose bleeds: Get thee some Boroleum ointment and slather your snotlocker liberally with it.

For the nuissance spot bleeding, get a styptic pen. Dip it in water, dab on the bleeds. You can find it in the shaving supply section of pharmacies, and of course Amazon.