Thursday, February 28, 2013

a romantic pome

O do not sixty-nine and fart
for you may break your lover's heart

of all travails we must embrace
the worst is gas blown in the face
the buttock cheeks, whose false allure
produces rancid devil-spoor
they quiver now in evil mirth
as they prepare a vap'rous birth

O turn aside! O turn aside!
do not accept the hellspawn ride
through noxious nimbus, anus-flame
through 'bominations yet unnamed
beware the crack, beware the gas
beware the leprous, treach'rous ass
beware the butt hair, maiden fair
beware demonic derrières

O do not sixty-nine and fart
for you may break your lover's heart



Charles said...

Superb! Although I find the opening/closing couplet to be somewhat lackluster compared to the meaty center of the poem.

Still, it is the finest poem I have ever read on the dangers of flatulence while 69ing.

(Also to consider is the position of your delicate parts... should the sudden release of gas startle your lover, the result could be far worse than a broken heart.)

Kevin Kim said...

But you can't deny that those couplets, lackluster though they be, set the stage.

Horace Jeffery Hodges said...

"Oh do not . . ." especially if you're Superman.

Jeffery Hodges

* * *

Elisson said...

I've written poems - among the list
Are sonnets about having pissed
Or suffering from itchy butts
Or warheads growing near my nuts.

But none among them is so fine
As this verse about farting and 69.

Ave, Kevin!

Bratfink said...

It's amazing that you're still single.

Kevin Kim said...

I know, right?