Saturday, January 03, 2004

a field day for textual comparativists

Watching "Bruce Almighty" and "X-Men 2" back-to-back makes for interesting mental resonances. Both movies feature miraculous partings of liquids-- in "Bruce Almighty," it's a small bowl of tomato soup; in "X-Men 2," it's the torrent gushing from a broken dam. Both movies feature a humanity in mortal peril because of great powers, and deal with Big Issues like love and understanding.

Since it's too late for me to note anything remotely substantive about either of these movies, let me just state how much I envied Hugh Jackman (the Aussie who plays Wolverine) in his tent scene, in which Mystique (the all-natural Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) morphs into the various women in Wolverine's life while straddling him. I'm assuming the scene required all these lovely actresses to straddle Jackman, with morphing added in post-production. One of the "deleted scenes" on the DVD is doubtless the uncontrollable rise of Wolverine's adamantine three-prong crotch hydra.

Morphing nymphos. Ah, bliss.

My own version of Muslim heaven would be somewhere along these lines, though I'd dispense with the virgins in favor of experienced female masters of tongue-fu. Making love to a morphing woman would be truly kinky-- so long as she was always morphing into other beautiful women. I don't think I'd be able to take it if she morphed into Kathy Bates or Camryn Manheim. Then again, I'm not exactly into the skinny-ass chickie-poos, either. Julia Roberts doesn't do anything for me; neither does Cameron Diaz.

Oh, yes-- for the record: the director, Bryan Singer, looks like he's about twelve.

And that, folks, is all I can write; am about to collapse where I'm sitting. Wish me luck as I spend the weekend prepping for my trip back to Seoul. I leave on Tuesday and arrive Wednesday evening. My computer will follow hard on my heels, then it's a matter of using my broken Korean to cadge some DSL service. If I can set up shop and blog from home, that'd be fantastic.


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