Saturday, January 26, 2008

postal scrotum: la bouche qui pue

The Maven sends me this life-affirming email:

Since I know you've experienced expectorating a tonsillolith and dared to mash it and then take a sniff, and thought to yourself, "Nothing else could smell that bad"...

Have you ever discovered you had a hunk of a rubbery bivalve, which was formerly garlicky and delicious atop a supple mound of linguine, ensconced 'tween your molars and gumline?

Horrified whilst in the restroom, doing a tooth & tartar check, to discover this, I raced back to my cubicle where I promptly flossed it out and into oblivion--I'm still waiting to see if the stench of the liberated, befouled bivalve has carried itself over to the next cubicle over.

I've got my dignity and a can of Glade air freshener on standby.

It's not often that I stop to smell the things caught in my teeth, but I have done so on occasion, and the results aren't pretty. One particularly bad night, before I had my upper left wisdom tooth removed, I flossed the molars close to that wisdom tooth and decided to sniff the quivering fragments on my floss.


If taste and smell are as connected as is often claimed, I feel sorry for the woman whose tongue can reach back far enough to lick my molars-- she'd be tasting zombies back there. Just a reminder that I should floss more.



Anonymous said...

Zombies, you say? It never occurred to me what zombies would taste like. And now the thought is in my head, as inescapable as that is, I can't help but wonder what a zombie tastes like by which to compare it to other things.... rotting flesh? dog shit? All these things I can deduce just by smell; but zombies? I've never smelled a zombie. I'll be ruminating on this for a while, no doubt!

Anonymous said...

Well, since zombies *are* rotting flesh, I would imagine they would smell much like it. And rotting flesh smells *far* worse than dog poop, so I really wouldn't know what to compare zombies to.